Unbreakable Ties
by darkcyan
Summary: Sonoko is convinced that this is the best date ever - and how could it not be, when she has the best boyfriend ever? - until Makoto asks her a question that turns her world upside down.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: Sonoko x Makoto, Ran x Shinichi, Sonoko x Ran. Nothing graphic.

In honor of Movie 11, which prompted me to take a closer look at Sonoko than I ever had before, and made me realize that I liked what I saw a lot more than I expected. Part 1 of 3.

Disclaimer: … Someday I'd love to be a writer capable of creating something as epic and amazing as Detective Conan. That day is not today, however, and even if that day ever comes, Detective Conan itself still will belong to Aoyama Gosho, not to me.

# # # Chapter 1 # # #

A pleasantly cool evening – uncommonly warm for late February, but just right for the sort of walk they'd just completed, a leisurely stroll around a nearby park as they spoke infrequently about everything and nothing. The crackling heat of a fireplace, near enough to warm their slightly chilled bodies but not so close as to make things uncomfortably hot. Lighting bright enough to see by, but dim enough to make the rest of the world seem to fade away, so that she could almost believe that the two of them were, in fact, the only people left in the world. A single candle casting its light across the pristine white tablecloth, glinting off the flawlessly polished silverware, and casting shadows across her companion's face.

And of course Makoto-_san_ himself. Here, now, as he had been the whole day. Calm, patient, quiet – except that one incident with the would-be mugger, but he clearly regretted it once Makoto-_san _finished with him, and nothing had actually been taken, so Sonoko was content – as gentlemanly as always. It had been, quite possibly, a perfect day.

_Well, it might have been even more perfect if Kid-_sama_ had shown up to whisk me away – no, not with Makoto-_san_ here, that would have been awkward. Although. If Kid-_sama_ whisked me away, would Makoto-_san _come to rescue me? That would be the best of both worlds!_

She sighed happily.

"I hope you enjoyed today?" The man himself said quietly, leaning a bit closer, his eyes focused on her face. That was one of the things she loved about Makoto-_san_ – when he was paying attention to her, she knew his attention was truly focused on _her_. "I only regret that we don't have the chance to do this more often, the way you deserve."

Sonoko could feel herself flushing. "Today has been perfect." She repeated her earlier thoughts. "So perfect I find myself wondering if this is actually just a dream."

"Even with the mugger?" He asked.

She waved it off. "That small fry. I knew you'd protect me."

"And that murder scene?"

She waved it off more impatiently. "Ran's husband was there to take care of it. No need for us to worry about it."

That gave Makoto pause. "Husband? Do you mean –"

"Shinichi-_kun_, that's who I'm talking about. The two of them have been clearly joined at the hip since elementary school – they may not be actually married yet, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time." She frowned, suddenly. "After finally coming back briefly from – wherever the hell he's gone – he better not have let that mess make him late for his date with Ran. … Idiot detective." _Not like it's his shoulder she cries on when he disappoints her or runs out on her or _again.

"Isn't that … a little harsh?" Makoto asked after another brief pause. "Someone died, after all."

Sonoko shook her head. "You don't know him. Murders just have a habit of spontaneously _happening_ around Shinichi-_kun_. Have ever since middle school. If he let every single one distract him, he'd never have time for anything else." She frowned harder, an edge of bitterness creeping in no matter how she tried to suppress it. "Oh wait, that's right, he doesn't."

Silence fell, and Sonoko cursed herself for letting her long-standing issues with Shinichi-_kun_ interfere with her long-anticipated date with Makoto-_san_, which had been going so well up until now … _Now he probably thinks I'm some sort of shrew or something._

"Anyway!" She said with forced brightness. "He was already pontificating by the time we passed by, which is usually a sign that he already knows exactly what happened and who did it; he just wants to cow the murderer with his freakish knowledge of their every move, and thoroughly impress everyone else in listening distance with his brilliance before he actually lets anyone in on the solution. And that was at least an hour before Ran said their date was supposed to start. It was probably fine."

She shrugged. "And between him, Ran's father, and that brat staying with them, if I let a little thing like the dead bodies of strangers ruin my day I'd _never_ have a good day." She smiled. "So while I'd have preferred not to have seen it, certainly, it didn't change the fact that this has been an amazing day with you."

"And the sudden rain shower?"

Sonoko went starry-eyed at the memory. "Sharing an umbrella in the rain – so romantic! That made the day _better_, not worse!"

Makoto laughed and shook his head. "I sometimes wonder if I will ever understand you, Sonoko-_san_. But I'm glad you managed to have a good time, despite everything that happened."

"Absolutely!" She enthused. Then hesitated. "I hope you've had a good time, too. I know it must be hard, pulling yourself away from your study abroad and all the tournaments you go to. And I really do appreciate it."

He shook his head. "Not at all. I only wish I was here more often. So that I could be the sort of proper boyfriend that you deserve." He hesitated. "Maybe I _should_ come back to Japan to stay. There are plenty of strong people here, too … I'd probably still do a lot of travel, but in-country the distances are a lot closer so I'd be able to be around more often, for longer periods of time …"

But even Sonoko could see the conflict on his face, and all the romance novels and TV dramas she'd read and seen made her choice clear. Now she was the one to lean forward, and in a motion that was half-spontaneous, half apprehension at how the gesture would be received, she reached across the table to put her hand over his. "You shouldn't have to do that for me. Your quest to improve yourself and pit your strength against all the other strong people around the world is important to you. I don't want to interfere with that. I'm content to wait here for you, and enjoy the time we have when we have it."

He blinked and smiled, the dim lighting and the tone of his skin conspiring to make it difficult for Sonoko to tell whether he was blushing or not. Then he set his fork down with a decisive clink, and covered her hand with his other. And Sonoko knew that if nothing else, _she_ was now blushing. "Thank you. It _is_ important to me. But _you're _important to me too."

Sonoko was fairly certain she was about to spontaneously combust from happiness. _This really _is_ the best day _ever_. _

Which, of course, was when the phone decided to start ringing. Muffled, but still audible, coming from off to her right. She looked around, irritated. Sure, this restaurant did not forbid cell phones, but it was still awfully rude to all the other patrons to subject them to that obnoxious –

"Sonoko-_san_." Makoto said. "Isn't that your ringtone?"

She blinked. Come to think of it –

She produced her phone with only a little bit of digging, and glared at the cheerily lit screen announcing the incoming call for a moment, on the verge of giving in to the urge to just reject the call and turn the phone off. It's what the caller would deserve, for disturbing her precious date like this. Then her eyes focused on the name emblazoned on the screen, and she stood suddenly, almost not even noticing the way her hand slipped easily from between Makoto's two larger ones. "I'm really sorry, Makoto-_san_, but – I've got to take this. It's Ran."

He smiled. "Go. I'll still be here when you get back."

If it wasn't both completely inappropriate given their current surroundings and, more importantly, an additional delay, Sonoko would have squealed and hugged him. _Best boyfriend ever._ "I'll be back as soon as I can!"

By the time she'd taken three strides away, she'd accepted the call; the fourth brought her phone up to her ear. "Hello? Ran? What's wrong?" In deference to the rest of the guests, she tried her best to keep her voice low and outwardly calm, though she couldn't help the anxiety that clutched at her gut.

"Sonoko, good, you're there – I was beginning to worry when you didn't pick up for so long." Her best friend replied, sounding a bit relieved, but otherwise normal. Sonoko relaxed … mostly. It was a good sign that Ran hadn't sounded undeniably distressed, but. To call, and _now_, of all times … "Ran, are you all right?"

"… Yeah. I think … yeah. I'm fine." And now she did sound something – but it sounded more tired than anything else. "Sorry, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I just – I needed to talk to someone."

She'd reached the doors of the restaurant – the inner side, which faced back into the mall. If it had started raining again, she'd pass on standing outside in the dark and the wet _without_ her knight and his umbrella. … Though she would for Ran if she had to. Sonoko nodded to the man standing at the entrance, making a pointed gesture towards her phone; busy with another customer who sounded like she was arguing heatedly about whether she and the man standing beside her had, in fact, made reservations, he merely nodded distractedly back in her general direction. _Good – hopefully he'll remember me when I come back in. If not – well, I'll deal with it somehow._

Then she was through the doors and out into the mall proper. It happily wasn't too difficult to find a bench nearby to sit on, and at this time of the evening and this area of the mall, it was – not deserted enough to worry her (or rather, make her seek out Ran or Makoto-_san_ to accompany her), but certainly thinly populated enough to make conversation easy. She leaned back, glad that the bench she'd chosen was near enough to the wall that she could lean against it, crossed one leg over the other primly, and closed her eyes. "I always have time for you. What's going on?" She opened one eye, looking up towards the ceiling, and made her best guess – though honestly, _this_ sort of thing didn't need a genius detective to see through. _Especially given how competent all the genius detectives _I_ know are at matters of the heart._ "How did the date with your husband go?"

"Sonoko!" The blonde girl grinned at the mortified tone in her best friend's voice. Some jokes never got old. A brief pause, and then – "… Fine. It went fine."

Sonoko reopened both eyes just so she could roll them. "How many dead bodies this time?"

That surprised a laugh out of Ran. "None, surprisingly enough. … Though he did tell me about the incident he ran into on the way. At length." The last two words were fondly exasperated.

"It didn't make him late, did it? Makoto-_san_ and I passed by on our walk, but he seemed to have things under control."

"No, he was actually on time for once. Though out of breath, so he may have run part of the way. Were any of the people from Division 1 there? If so, I bet they delayed him a while afterwards, trying to talk to him. Get his advice. Find out where he's been. Though I wish them luck with _that_." There was an unaccustomed viciousness to her final sentence that had Sonoko sitting up straighter, biting her lip lightly. _That sounded like something _I _would say._

Then she cast back into her memory, trying to recall. "I – wasn't really paying attention, except to Shinichi-_kun_ – he kind of stands out, you know. But I think Takagi-_keiji_ was there. And maybe Satou-_keiji_?"

"It's pretty uncommon for them to be apart, being partners and all." Ran's voice lightened, colored by her fondness for the terribly awkward police couple. "In that case, that was almost certainly the cause of the delay. I know Takagi-_keiji_ in particular really likes consulting with Shinichi when he gets the chance."

Silence fell. Sonoko caught herself tapping her foot and stopped. Considered making some sort of pointed remark about the fact that she was still in the middle of _her_ date, thanks, but didn't quite have the heart. Especially since that would probably just cause Ran to become absolutely mortified and clam up completely, and she still hadn't told Sonoko what was wrong. And when Ran 'needed to talk to someone', there was always something wrong.

She'd opened her mouth in preparation for saying something else – though she hadn't even really decided whether to go for something light-hearted to distract Ran from her brooding (because she clearly _was_), or something sympathetic to hopefully draw out whatever the real problem was; much less what she'd actually say in either situation – when Ran abruptly started speaking again.

No fool _(shut up, Shinichi-_kun_)_, Sonoko closed her mouth again and listened.

"Do you think Hattori-_kun_ was right? About that thing he said when we first met?"

Sonoko looked up towards the ceiling again. _Argh, that sounds so familiar. I'm sure she's mentioned it before. But – _"… what was it he said again?" She asked sheepishly. "I don't really remember."

"About how Shinichi was probably really just sneaking around the area in secret, and not off on some trip to who knows where after all."

"Oh right, that. Because he never asked about how you were, right?" _Now_ she remembered – it had driven Ran nuts for _weeks_, wondering if Hattori-_kun_ had been right, and if he was right, wondering _why_. "I thought we decided a long time ago that he'd probably been mistaken, though. Shinichi-_kun_ did start asking after you more often, after all. And could you really see him managing to pull off avoiding you this long if he actually was nearby?"

Ran chuckled. "Given his luck, I'd run into him randomly on the street just as he was in the middle of solving yet another case. Like you did this afternoon."

Sonoko nodded firmly. "See? There's no way he could pull it off. Maybe he's just in the general area sometimes, and it's just coincidence that he was, then. Or maybe he's getting all the gossip from his mom through your mom – they talk sometimes, right?"

Ran snorted indelicately. "That would be the most inefficient chain of gossip I've ever seen. I mean, you know how often I see my mom – certainly not regularly. And unless things have changed significantly recently, my mom talks to Shinichi's mom maybe every couple of months – less if they're off hiding from his dad's publishers in various foreign locales the way they have been lately – and Shinichi at least used to talk to them even less frequently than that."

"… Come to think of it, I guess back then the gossip chain usually flowed the other way, didn't it?" Sonoko laughed. "He always looked so irritated when you told him something about his parents that he hadn't heard yet."

Ran laughed too. "Didn't he, though? Though I could never tell if it was irritation with being out of the loop or just irritation with his parents in general."

"… This is Shinichi-_kun_. And his parents." Sonoko pointed out, with all the authority of having been a friend with him since childhood herself. (Well, a reluctant companion when they were both made accessory to Ran's schemes. Or a reluctant follower when he dragged Ran into his schemes. Or she supposed she'd dragged him along with Ran into a few schemes of her own. Though really, no one had been _forcing _him to come along. Well, except for – But anyway, that wasn't really the point. … The point was that she should stop getting distracted and concentrate on the conversation she was having with her best friend right now.) "It was probably both."

Ran laughed again. "You're probably right." Then fell quiet again.

"So what's got you worrying about that again?" Sonoko asked. A little boy who looked about the brat's size but probably a year or two younger stopped, about twenty feet away, and stared in her direction, tugging on his mother's hand. Sonoko gave in to her urges (she'd never been terribly good at resisting temptation) and made a face at him.

She didn't get a chance to notice what his reaction was, though, because that was when Ran started talking again. And, well. Priorities. "… I'm _not_ worrying."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a terrible liar?" _Besides me. Many times._ She hesitated, then added, "And if it's bothering you so much, you could just ask Shinichi-_kun_? You _are _dating now, officially, after all. And _he's_ not a great liar, either. Plus, he's here in person still, right?"

"Ugh, I don't know." Ran sounded irritated. "We made tentative plans to get together for breakfast tomorrow – but you know how he is these days. All 'I'll try to make it' this, 'but something might come up' that … I can never get him to actually _commit_ to anything, he just blows back into my life at random, sets it all into disarray, and then blows back out again." She paused, then added, even more exasperated, "And it's _not_ bothering me! I just … wonder, is all."

Another pause, much longer. Sonoko considered saying something, but – she was fairly certain Ran wasn't done. So she simply amused herself by casting her eyes across the view from her bench – nothing to write home about, and the little boy and his mother were no longer in sight so either her actions had had an effect or the kid's mother had dragged him off – and uncrossing her legs, re-crossing them in the other direction.

Finally, just as she was about to break and start speaking again, Ran beat her to the punch. "He did start asking about me more often, yes, not long after that first time Hattori-_kun_ visited. I kind of wondered at the time if that was just further proof – if he'd been around to hear what Hattori-_kun_ said and was just asking to throw me off the scent, or out of some sense of guilt over lying to me, or something … but he kept doing it for quite a while, so I figured I was overthinking things. Like the time when – well. I overthink things a lot, where Shinichi is concerned."

"But then he kind of trailed off and stopped. And once he stopped, he's never really consistently started back up again. He remembers to _occasionally_, but honestly he asks how the other guys in the _soccer club_ are doing more often than he asks about me. And that just seems strange, you know? And it makes me wonder if Hattori-_kun_ was right after all." Yet another pause. Sonoko could almost see her friend biting her lip on the other end of the line. "… If Shinichi really _is_ hiding something of that magnitude from me. If somewhere along the line, he really _has_ become that good of a liar."

Sonoko uncrossed her legs so that she could start swinging one back and forth, rhythmically scuffing along the pavement. "So why not ask him? If it's bothering you this much – and it is _so_ bothering you, don't even try to deny it – he'd have to be pretty thick-headed not to realize. … Though that wouldn't surprise me, seriously, given how long it took you to get together for real. But anyway, given how much he cares about you, if you _are_ just imagining things I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you. And probably logic you into submission, making you feel silly for ever thinking otherwise."

Ran chuckled. "He would, wouldn't he, the deduction _otaku_." Another pause, and a very faint sound that Sonoko thought might have been a swallow, and then, even softer than before – "… but what if I'm not? I'm not sure I could bear it if he lied to me and I _knew_ he was doing it. Not again. Not on top of all the other lies and omissions and _not being there_."

… _So you'd rather just pretend? Like that's any better?_ Sonoko sighed, and did her best to unclench the fist that wasn't holding her phone. _Maybe I _should_ have gone over to him this afternoon. I don't get to see him often, after all, and he never calls me, and he never gave me his cell phone number. Well. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I gave him mine either. But _anyway_, since I see him so rarely, I really should have taken the chance to go give him a piece of my mind or three about the way he treats Ran. _

But that was then and this was now, and as absent as Shinichi-_kun_ tended to be a lot of the time, she still ended up running into him for some reason or another most of the times he did show up. There'd be another chance to vent. In the meantime, "So what got you to thinking about this again?" She asked. _Please don't tell me you've been seriously worrying about it for a long time and I just haven't noticed. I _hope_ I'm not that bad of a friend._

"Nothing, really. Just – he spent a lot of the date talking about the case he solved on the way there, and asking after everyone, and getting distracted by looking at and deducing things about everyone else _but_ me. It made me kind of feel like I was the least interesting thing in the room, but I know he doesn't _actually_ feel that way – I don't think –"

"A confession as awkward as his was?" Sonoko broke in, doing her best to sound amused rather than letting show her always-simmering anger whenever the subject of Shinichi-_kun_ and the way he treated Ran came up. "I think you can be fairly certain that was sincere."

"I _know_." Ran sounded exasperated. "I _do_. I know it's just Shinichi being his normal deduction _otaku_, hopeless self. And knowing him, he probably doesn't need to ask after me because he'd deduced everything happening in my life recently based on the way I did my hair this morning or, or something. Or maybe he deduces enough to know that I'm fine and just figures that that's all that matters. Maybe that _is_ all that matters to him."

… _Okay, so in other words, you managed to come up with a possibility even _more_ depressing than the possibility that your boyfriend is wandering around the general area stalking you and then lying about it. _

Sonoko kicked her leg harder and thought. One of the downsides to growing up around a certain deduction _otaku_ was that when it really_ mattered,_ she liked having actual _proof _to back up her arguments. Especially when talking to Ran. It made it a lot harder to be comforting. "I really don't think that's the case." She finally said slowly. "I mean, this is Shinichi-_kun_ we're talking about. It takes a crisis or you running away in tears to make him actually be honest about his emotions. He was probably doing all of that deducing to try and impress you."

Ran snorted. "You'd think he'd have figured out by now that it's more annoying than anything else. Especially when I'd like him to be spending at least some of that focus on _me_."

"Yes, well, it's _Shinichi_-kun we're talking about. And remember what he said when he confessed? About you being so difficult a case to figure out that even Holmes couldn't manage it, or something like that? Maybe he wasn't paying attention to you because he's shy."

"_Shy_? He seeks out the spotlight like a homing pigeon!" Ran protested, then paused. "… Or he used to. He seems to be avoiding media attention these days. Though that certainly doesn't keep him from forcing his way into every murder investigation he trips across."

Sonoko huffed a laugh. "I'm pretty sure it's a reflex. See case – solve case." She was pleased to hear a brief chuckle from Ran as well.

"But that's not what I meant. I mean, look at you, too – you think nothing of getting up in front of a crowd of thousands of people at karate championships, but _how_ long did it take you to get up the courage to tell Shinichi-_kun_ you liked him back? Even though it had been blatantly obvious for only, oh, approximately _forever_?"

A long, long pause. Then a sheepishly muttered "… Months."

"See?" Sonoko asked triumphantly. "I don't know whether Shinichi-_kun_'s actually secretly stalking you, and that's why it didn't occur to him to ask after you – and I still think if it bothers you so much you _should_ ask, because you know he wouldn't want you to tear yourself apart over something that he could do something about. But if you're just worried because he was being an insensitive jerk –"

Ran attempted to insert some sort of weak protest, but Sonoko could tell from her tone that even Ran didn't believe what she was saying, so she felt perfectly justified in steamrolling over her. "—I hate to tell you this, but he's always been like that." Then, just to get a reaction, "You know, if you ever get tired of dealing with him, there _are_ plenty of other fish in the sea."

"Sonoko …"

"It's been a while since we did a beach trip – it's a bit chilly for it right now, I suppose, and I guess it's getting a bit late in the year for a properly crowded ski trip. We could do another hot springs trip, though – I know some places and some people, just let me know what weekend works for you –"

"Sonoko!" The blonde grinned at the embarrassed horror in her best friend's voice. _There we go. That's my Ran._

"I'm just saying." She said, trying for innocence but knowing Ran could probably hear the grin currently attempting to split her face in two. "… I'm not giving you Makoto-_san_, though, just so we're clear."

"I don't – that's not – aargh, _Sonoko_." Ran descended into spluttering incoherence. A moment or two of exasperated breathing, then she sighed. Sonoko could almost see her running a hand across her forehead, through her bangs, and back across the back of her head, the way she often did when she'd been exasperated to the point of giving up. "I … _like_ Shinichi." Ran said firmly, and Sonoko smiled. It made her happy to hear the way Ran was slowly becoming more assured about acknowledging her feelings. She still tended to stumble over the words – and Sonoko was certain that her best friend was currently red as a beet on the other side of the phone – but she was getting better. "I'm not interested in finding another boyfriend, as exasperating as Shinichi can be. No, not even Makoto-_san_." Then her voice softened. "… Thank you. For cheering me up. For being there. I guess I kind of take you for granted sometimes, too."

Sonoko felt her cheeks heat up. _Idiot. What are you blushing for?_ "That's what friends are for." She said airily, and was glad her voice didn't betray her sudden bout of _completely stupid _embarrassment. "It's not like I haven't talked your ear off many times before, too. Over much sillier things." _Besides, _one_ of us ought to be around for you. Stupid Shinichi-_kun_. _

"Yes, well. I still appreciate it." She paused. "Hey. Speaking of Makoto-_san_, I haven't asked how _your_ date went! You mentioned running into Shinichi – I hope he didn't suck you into his case and ruin your date. Though you mentioned he had things under control, so I assume you came by when it was all over but the explanation?"

Sonoko straightened, face brightening. "Yeah, he was well into 'talk-the-culprit-into-submission' mode when we passed by, so we left him to it. And it's going great!" Comforting Ran could be hard, especially when she'd talked herself into the sort of state she had tonight. Not that she begrudged the effort it took – she just wished she knew how to do it better. But babbling about what a great time her date with Makoto-_san _had been so far? _Super_ easy.

She was about halfway through a blow-by-blow description of Makoto-_san_'s altercation with the mugger – not that there had been many blows involved, but the process was lengthened by the fact that for all she'd grown up with Ran and cheered her on in countless matches, she'd never bothered to learn all the names of the moves, so she ended up falling back on descriptions like 'and then a kick like that one time you kicked that one culprit in the _face_' – when Ran interrupted. "Sonoko?"

"—and then – what?" The tone in Ran's voice stopped her cold, and she frantically started thinking back through the past several sentences, trying to find some place where she'd been insensitive or said something she shouldn't.

"'Going'?" Ran asked, and Sonoko cringed, clapping her free hand to her mouth. She'd been so determined not to say anything about the fact that Ran had interrupted her date, and then been tripped up by a _verb tense,_ of all things.

"I meant 'went'. It _went_ great." She corrected weakly, without much hope of success – she was an even worse liar than Shinichi-_kun_; a complete stranger could almost certainly have called her on it, much less someone who knew her as well as Ran did.

"_Sonoko …_"

… Or she could just use _that voice_. Sonoko folded immediately. "I'm sorry! I didn't want to say anything because I knew then you'd feel super guilty about interrupting my date! And I really don't mind!"

"You should have said something!" _Aaaand you being that upset is precisely why I didn't want to. Damn it._ "Or, or just not picked up or something. I could have waited to talk to you until tomorrow. Or just not bothered you at all with my stupid worries about stupid Shinichi."

"_No_." Sonoko surprised even herself with both the suddenness and the vehemence of her reply.

"Don't you _dare_ stop talking to me about your problems, Mouri Ran. You're my _best friend_, not some sort of burden. I'm talking to you because I want to, because you're _important_ to me. If you ever do bother me, I promise I'll tell you. So just – don't. Okay?"

"… … … Okay." She finally said, though Sonoko could hear the reluctance. "But no more letting me interrupt your dates, okay? Not with Makoto-_san_ only able to make it into town slightly more frequently than Shinichi-_kun_. That's not fair to either you or to him."

… _At least my boyfriend lets me know where he is and what he's doing._ Sonoko thought, uncharitably. _So really it's not the same thing at all._ "… Okay." She said. Hopefully Ran wouldn't realize that she was lying through her teeth this time. Some things were just _important_, that's all.

Ran huffed, but didn't pursue the subject. Which either meant she believed her, or had realized that further arguing wouldn't do any good. (Which … was true, actually.) "… So what did I interrupt you during?"

"Um, dinner?" Sonoko offered sheepishly. "We were mostly done eating, though."

"Because that makes everything better." Ran said sarcastically, and Sonoko winced.

"… At least that means I wasn't distracted by hunger?"

Ran huffed a laugh. "You're impossible. … Now what are you waiting for? Go back to your date, already! I'll grill you for details tomorrow. You know, after it's _finished._"

Sonoko smiled. "Yes ma'am." Hesitated, then added. "And good luck with Shinichi-_kun_ tomorrow morning." _If he actually shows up._

Ran unknowingly repeated her last thought on a sigh, then added. "… Thanks. I hate to say it, since I'm _still_ mad at you for not telling me that I was ruining your date with Makoto-_san_, but … talking really did help. And I'll think about talking to Shinichi."

Sonoko was trying to think of something to say in response – more cutting remarks about a certain childhood friend of theirs warring with _you haven't ruined anything_ – but Ran cut in again. "Now what are you still doing on the phone? Shoo! And apologize to Makoto-_san_ for me, will you?"

"Yes ma'am!" Sonoko repeated, grinning. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye!"

"Bye!"

She hung up only moments before she suspected Ran would have done the same and stood, stretching the kinks out of her back. _Wow, that bench was sure uncomfortable._ Then checked the time on her phone and cursed. _My chat with Ran took _that_ long? I know Makoto-_san_ said he'd wait for me, but even I've got to admit that that's pushing it!_

She barged back into the restaurant at a speed a bit too fast to be properly decorous – not that she was terribly good at that in general, but at a nice restaurant like this it was only polite to try and pretend – and was relieved to see that it was still the same man at the entrance, and given that his only reaction to her entrance was to politely nod in her direction, it appeared that he remembered her. _Good. I don't need anything slowing me down even more. … And maybe that means that Makoto-_san_'s still here; he'd _probably_ say something if he knew my companion had left. And Makoto-_san '_s, well … I just can't see him getting up and leaving without at least saying something to me when he left. Not even if he was really mad. _

… _I hope he's not mad._

… … _I'm a terrible girlfriend, aren't I?_

From there, it took maybe 30 seconds to retrace her steps back to the table the two of them had claimed earlier that evening. Empty. And for a moment her heart clenched, before her eyes caught up with her fears and she spotted the bag from their earlier shopping expedition (_Seriously. Best. Boyfriend. Ever._) and breathed a sigh of relief. Most of the things in there were hers, but he'd bought a few things – souvenirs for his family, a blouse for his sister that he'd shamefacedly explained that she'd harangued him into acquiring for her next time he was in Tokyo. If the bag was still here – and she could see the blouse still folded on top, so he hadn't just divided his things out and left the rest either – then he was almost certainly still here.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she sat back down. _Brilliant deduction, Sonoko. Next time try making it _before_ you give yourself a heart attack. And while you're at it, why don't you try deducing where he actually is._

But that turned out to be unnecessary, for here came the man himself – at a gratifyingly faster clip than initially, once he noticed that Sonoko had returned.

"I apologize for being away when you returned." He said. "I had a bit of … pressing business to attend to." From the light blush dusting his cheeks, the circumspectness of his wording (and it really was so adorable, how he made such an effort to use considerate language like that), and the direction he'd come from – deeper within the restaurant – she had a good idea where he'd come from and what business he'd been attending to.

She shook her head in response to his question. "No, I only just barely sat back down myself." Looked down at her plate, and the long since cold remains, finding it hard to look at Makoto-_san_, suddenly. "More to the point, I'm sorry _I_ was away for so very long. I didn't realize – I wasn't keeping track of the time – I hope I didn't ruin our date, and with you having made such a point of coming to visit …"

Her hands, framing her plate, curled into fists. _He's such an amazing boyfriend, and here I am just …_ And the worst part of it was that she couldn't bring herself to honestly regret it.

Her clenched left hand was suddenly engulfed by his larger right, and the touch – even if she had done it first, earlier that night, even though they'd done that much and more before – was still enough of a surprise that it broke her concentration on her plate, dragging her eyes back to his face.

"You haven't ruined anything, Sonoko-_san_." He said gently. "I assure you that I've enjoyed this date at least as much as you have. And I know how important Ran-_san_ is to you."

She smiled hesitantly back, reaching over to cover his hand with her other, the way he had done earlier that night. "Thank you. For being … for understanding, I guess."

He appeared on the verge of saying something else, then seemed to change his mind. Sonoko waited, more interested in watching the play of thoughts across his face – even if she couldn't claim to be able to read any of them, except perhaps the indecision he seemed to be struggling with. As always, though, her patience did not last nearly as long as she liked to think it did, and after a minute or more of watching silently as he seemed to be unable to come to a decision on his own (and ignoring the small part of her that wondered if maybe the reason he was struggling so much was because it was something she might not want to hear, because this was _Makoto_-san, after all), she finally pulled her top hand away, propped her elbow on the table and her chin on her hand, and grinned at him. "Whatever you're thinking – you can just _say_ it, you know."

At least that seemed to break the stalemate. After a moment of blinked surprise, something firmed in his face and he nodded, settling back in his chair. He pulled his hand away, leaving Sonoko's still more relaxed than before, but feeling oddly chilled, and propped both elbows on the table, folding his hands together and hiding his mouth for a moment. He then let them fall back to his side as he gave Sonoko a penetrating look. "Sonoko-_san_," he began, some of the hesitation having returned. "Do you mind if I ask you a somewhat … impolite question?"

She blinked, mind blank as she tried to think of what sort of question he'd be likely to ask that would lead with _that_. And combined with her own only passing acquaintance with such things as 'tact', it was her curiosity that did the trick. "Of course! I'm impolite all the time, it only seems fair." She said brightly, then winked, "I'm not going to tell you my three sizes, though. There are some things a girl ought to be able to keep to herself!"

Makoto_-san_ coughed, and she thought she detected the hint of a blush on his face – though between his darker color and the dimness of the restaurant it really was irritatingly difficult to tell for sure. "I'll … keep that in mind." He said awkwardly. "But that's not what I was planning on asking."

He took a deep breath. "The thing is – I know I probably don't say so as often as I should, but I like you, Sonoko-_san_. I like you a _lot_."

_Crap. Now _I'm_ the one blushing_. "I –" she started, eager to return the favor – she knew how she felt, and trying to lie about it or hide it had never been her style, especially not when she had seen first-hand what sorts of knots it had tied Ran and Shinichi-_kun _into. _Idiots, the both of them_. But Makoto-_san_ raised his hand in a 'let me finish' sort of gesture and so she reluctantly subsided.

"I do really want to be with you," he continued, still remarkably calmly, considering that even Sonoko thought she might stutter a bit (not to mention blush even brighter than she was doing so now) when being quite that forthright. "But. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm more selfish than I thought."

The bottom dropped out of her stomach. _He's not seriously going to – but he said – _"—Is this about –?"

"Your conversation with Ran_-san_ earlier?" He said. "Yes and no."

"I said I was sorry." She protested. "And I _am_. And you said you didn't mind –" And a slow burn of anger was starting to gain on the hurt, as part of her mind jumped straight to _How dare he!_ even as the rest of her struggled to not jump to conclusions. To hear him out. Because Makoto-_san_ was a _good_ boyfriend, and he'd said he didn't mind, and she liked him so much she sometimes thought she'd burst from it and she just didn't want to believe that he'd try to stand between her and Ran.

Not like all those dramas where she was always shouting at the screen for the girl to just pop the man one – or better yet, get her karate master best friend to do it for her – and find a better guy. She _refused_ to believe that Makoto-_san _was that kind of guy.

He shook his head. "I know how important – sorry. I know that Ran is very important to you, Sonoko-_san_. And I respect that, and I would never try to stand in the way of your friendship."

_See? See? _Sonoko's more optimistic half crowed, but the pessimistic half wasn't listening, still stubbornly convinced that there was a 'but' coming.

"But." (_See?_ Her pessimistic side parroted, grimly vindicated.) "… For my own sake, and for your sake, too, I need to know – is friendship _all_ it is?"

Sonoko's thoughts ground to a halt. _… What?_ She blinked, shook her head, and it still didn't make any more sense. "… What?" She repeated, this time out loud. The only thing she could think of – but that was ridiculous. "You're not trying to imply that – of _course_ we're just friends. And we're both girls. Who are both dating other guys."

He shook his head. "Sorry, I'm not saying things right. I know – I assume – that there's no formal romantic relationship between the two of you. What I'm trying to say is …" he ran a hand through his short hair, clearly frustrated. "I really like you. I do. I sometimes let my imagination run away with me and think of us being together for years. But I don't want to – I don't think I could in the long term live with – being with you if you don't feel the same way. If you really like someone else. You know?"

Sonoko's mind was still struggling to catch up with the initial concept. It was just so ridiculous – she couldn't see how Makoto-_san_ even chose _that_ of all things to worry about. She kept opening her mouth and closing it, each time on the verge of a scathing rebuttal, each time rethinking it because really there were so _many _places to start from she couldn't even figure out which was the right place to start.

He rubbed his head again, softer now, and continued quietly, "I thought … if I'm with you, that that would be enough to me, but … I can't bear the thought that you might be simply settling for me. It's not fair to me, and … it's not fair to you, either. I want you to be _happy_, even … even if it's not with me."

And a feeling close to panic was growing in her stomach because she could feel him drawing away, even as neither of them moved physically, and even though she still didn't know what to say she knew she had to say _something, _because otherwise she was suddenly terribly afraid that she would lose him for good. "I'm not _settling_." Was what finally came tumbling out of her jumbled brain, emphatic enough to make his eyes widen and loud enough to turn several heads at nearby tables and make her wince and sit back down from the half-standing position she'd found herself unconsciously taking.

"I'm _not_." She repeated, more quietly but no less emphatically, then "Um. Maybe we should finish this conversation somewhere else."

Makoto-_san_ looked around as well, seeming to notice for the first time the attention that Sonoko's outburst had drawn, and coughed lightly. "… Perhaps we should."

They said little to each other as they waited for the check and as Makoto-_san_ paid; Sonoko because her mind was still whirling from the clear ridiculousness of Makoto-_san_'s accusations, and him because … well, the small part of her that wasn't concentrating on her own problems thought he looked determined but sad. Regretting that he'd said anything? But clearly committed, now, to the path he'd chosen. _But how do I convince him that he's wrong?_

They exited the restaurant and Makoto-_san_ looked in both directions, then turned purposefully towards the left, their bags in one hand, umbrella in the other. Sonoko took several quick steps to catch up, and was somewhat reassured to see that with that small reminder he slowed his pace slightly to match hers (and she swore that next time – if there _was_ a next time – no, she refused to believe there _wouldn't_ be – she'd wear flats, because trying to keep up with his longer stride in heels was a serious pain) but couldn't quite bring herself to latch onto his arm the way she had earlier that afternoon, not with him still radiating distance clearly enough that even she noticed. … _I guess it's a good thing it's stopped raining._

She wasn't entirely sure where they were going, but when all was said and done, she still trusted Makoto-_san_. Even if she made him so angry that he immediately swore off being her boyfriend – if he hadn't already given up completely on her – she knew he'd still see her safely home before disappearing from her life for good. Makoto-_san_ was just that sort of person. So she followed.

A block passed by, as Sonoko looked around at all the bright neon lights that lit up the evening sky, advertising the shops below or beside or above their signs, or other shops 'just one block further on the right', or other things entirely, lending an atmosphere to the area that felt as cheerful as it did chaotic; and Makoto-_san_ stared straight ahead. Not stiffly, the way she thought he'd probably be if he was angry (though Ran was depressingly good at making herself appear relaxed even when she wasn't, except when she was _really_ upset, so it was probably best not to depend too much on a martial artist's body language), but not terribly openly either.

Sonoko took a deep breath. _Okay. My move. I can do this. … I think._

"… There's something I'm curious about, too." She finally said quietly, looking away because it was easier, cursing herself for sounding so much less certain than she had intended to. "I … why is it _Ran_ you're so worried about?" She blushed, and bit her lip, but if Makoto was committed to this path then she could hardly do less than figure out _why_, even if it was super embarrassing, even if it made her admit things she didn't really like to. "You know me well enough by now. You can probably guess that I make eyes at every passing good-looking guy when you're not around."

Makoto-_san_ snorted, but it sounded more amused than irritated or angry, so she chose to interpret that as a good sign. "I don't really _mean_ anything by it, but … I wouldn't really blame you if you thought I did. So why is it _Ran_ who you're so worried about? She's my _best friend_, not some guy poised to steal me away from you." _Like Kid-_sama_! … No, Sonoko, stop that. Bad thoughts. Not now._

"… I can't say that I'm terribly happy about your looking at other guys when I'm not around." He admitted grudgingly. "But … that's part of who you are, too, and I would not try to change you. Especially not when, as you said yourself, you don't really mean anything by it. And if you ever _did_ find some guy you liked better, someone who would treat you right and be around for you the way I haven't been … I think you'd at least have the courtesy to let me know and let me down gently."

Sonoko blinked. "Of _course _I would. If I ever did. Which I won't, since you're the most amazing boyfriend _ever_."

He smiled down at her wryly. "I suppose I should feel heartened that you still think so." Then looked upwards, where although it had stopped raining, the overcast sky made it impossible to see the stars. "As for why Mouri-_san_ is different … because she _does_ matter. You don't look at other men when you're with me," he paused, "… well, most of the time. I feel like your attention is honestly on me, is what I'm getting at. But the moment Mouri-_san_ appears – even over the phone, as she did tonight – it's like I've ceased to exist. Or that's how it feels sometimes. Particularly if she's at all distressed – and when that happens, you always look so distressed, too, and helpless, as though you'd like nothing more than to make whatever it is that's bothering her disappear permanently if only you knew _how_."

He sighed. "… I don't think you've ever looked at me that way. I don't think … I'm not sure you've ever let me far enough into your heart to care about me that way." He shrugged, and smiled down at her again, sad and resolute. "I didn't really want to bring it up because I know it's probably just me making mountains out of mole-hills, but … I need to know."

Sonoko shook her head. "Ran is my _best friend_. We've been together since elementary school; we share – or at least used to share – almost everything. And Shinichi-_kun_ is not here, and an _idiot_ besides, and it's hard on her. And you're right, I don't know what to do, or how to help, because the only thing I can think of is to somehow grab that idiot detective and make him actually _stay_, but I'm also pretty sure that's impossible, and" her voice wavered, and she realized she was almost _crying_, and didn't _that_ just make everything peachy? "I just wish I could get her to _smile_ again, and really _mean_ it."

She took a deep breath, and tried to force down the upset, because getting this upset over something she could do nothing about was just _stupid_, and she was supposed to be convincing Makoto-_san _that she didn't _have feelings_ (and even just thinking it made her feel ridiculous) for Ran, not whining about her own inadequacies.

She took another deep breath, and judged that to be steady enough (or at least as steady as she was likely to get), and admitted, "You're probably right that I'm more tuned into Ran's moods, more likely to try to help her, more likely to notice that she needs the help. And part of that is that we've together for approximately forever. But part of it is, well … you're _strong_, Makoto-_san_. I don't expect you to need help, well, ever … and even if you did need help, I can't see it being anything that _I_ would be capable of providing. I'm not hyper-intelligent or a brilliant martial artist or even a particularly good friend, but I'm all Ran has when Shinichi-_kun_ isn't around, and half the time even when he _is_. She _needs_ –"

_Wait. _

_What am I saying? Ran needs _me_? For what? A friendly ear? Reassurance that Shinichi-_kun_ isn't a total idiot (well, except for when he is) and liar, reassurance that everything will turn out okay? That's awfully arrogant of you, isn't it, Suzuki Sonoko, to assume that Ran would be lost without you?_

… _Are you sure that it's not the other way around? That _you _need _her_? That _you_ would be lost without her? _

_Is the constant low-grade anger that you feel towards Shinichi-_kun_, that you try to hide (sometimes, not very successfully) _really_ just because you hate the way he keeps breaking your best friend's heart, or is it secretly also jealousy? Do you really think you could do any better?_

Sonoko felt suddenly dizzy, like the ground had fallen out from her or like she was trying to stay upright on a really unstable train with no hand-holds in sight, because _this_, she realized, was familiar.

She _did_ think she could do better. Hadn't she sworn to herself, that she'd never treat her boyfriend – whoever he turned out to be, because this predated even her meeting Makoto-_san,_ much less their starting to date – the way Shinichi treated Ran?

She'd even thought it, jokingly, once or twice: If _I_ were Ran's boyfriend, I'd be there for her. I wouldn't treat her the way Shinichi-_kun_ does. Not even if I was in some sort of horrible danger; I'd _tell_ her. I'd trust her to watch my back the same way I'd hope she'd trust me to watch hers.

_But Shinichi-_kun_'s the one you'd want to watch your back, right? _

She was seized with the sudden urge to laugh, standing there in the middle of a mostly-dark street, the neon signs reflecting off the small puddles on the ground from the recent rain, Makoto_-san_ several strides ahead (she didn't remember when she'd stopped walking, but apparently she had, and Makoto-_san _had noticed and stopped and he was such a _good_ boyfriend so why did it feel like her heart was breaking?). But she also worried that if she started laughing, she wouldn't be able to stop. (Even though it wasn't really that funny, except no, it kind of was.)

… _What if that wasn't really a joke at all?_

… _What if Makoto-_san_'s _right_?_

"I –" and her voice sounded strange, like it was coming from the end of a tunnel, like it secretly wasn't her voice at all "—does it really matter, though? Even if I did have some sort of silly feelings for Ran, she's got Shinichi-_kun_. She really does love him, and for all his faults he really does love her back, and I'm _not_ a home-wrecker. I'm _not_."

… _Even if I am doing an excellent job of completely screwing up my own relationship at the moment._

"Don't say that, please." Makoto-_san_'s voice was almost a surprise after how deeply she'd dug into her own head; him closing the distance to take one of her cold hands in one of his slightly warmer ones (umbrella passed over to his other hand to be held awkwardly at an angle from the shopping bag) was _definitely_ a surprise. "The only reason this conversation has happened at all is because of my stupid insecurity. If anyone's screwing up our relationship, I'd say it's me."

_Oh. Did I say that aloud?_ … _Apparently so._ Sonoko curled her fingers more tightly against Makoto-_san_'s hand, clinging to the feeling of warmth and stability in a world that suddenly seemed to have stopped making sense. _Or has it started making _more_ sen – _she shoved that thought away, burying it the mess of _other_ things she was now trying hard not to think about, and smiled wanly up at Makoto-_san_. "I guess your insecurity wasn't so stupid after all, though, was it?"

She took a deep breath, then another for good measure, and managed to pull together a smile more closely approximating her usual brightness. "But really. _Does_ it matter? Whether or not my feelings towards Ran are or could ever become more than friendship, that's definitely all she feels towards me. And I would _never_ mess with her relationship with Shinichi-_kun_. And I do really, really like you. … Couldn't that be enough?"

"Even if you never told her – if you never told anyone else, even me – don't you think you yourself deserve to know? To understand how you feel?" Makoto-_san _returned quietly. "What is it that Kudo-_san_ always says? Something about –"

"'There is always a single truth.'" Sonoko quoted quietly, again suppressing a completely inappropriate urge to laugh. She ought to know, given the number of times she'd heard Shinichi-_kun_ say it.

_But what if I'm afraid to know?_

_And what if all the truth does is hurt everyone? What's the _point_ to a stupid truth like that? _

She suspected she knew what Shinichi-_kun_'s answer would be. Even if it was a stupid, _hypocritical_ answer, because even if he wasn't lying to Ran about being nearby, he was definitely lying about _something_, through omission if nothing else, and if he valued the truth so damn much maybe he could try _telling it_.

And her friends' stupid inability to communicate seemed to tear at her twice as badly now even though there was no reasonable reason why (because even if she _did_ feel something more than friendship, it wasn't like it _mattered_, it wasn't like she could or would actually _do_ anything). And she looked up into Makoto-_san_'s face – handsome and open and so worried and if her heart was breaking, then what about _his_, and she seriously _was_ the worst girlfriend ever – and remembered what he had said about happiness and about settling, and, well.

Well. Maybe she did owe it to Makoto-_san_ and to herself (and maybe even to Ran, even if she would never, _ever _know?) to figure out the truth. Even if it turned out to be a stupid truth.

She closed her eyes briefly – it made it easier to let go of Makoto-_san_'s hand and take a step away – and took yet another deep breath as she reopened her eyes. "Okay. I – Okay." _Way to go with the coherence._ "I'll think about it. Try to figure it out." She wanted to rage at him – how dare he disturb her equilibrium with his crazy accusations (that may not be so crazy after all) and his assurances that he's only thinking of her own good? – but that wouldn't do anyone any good and she liked to think that she wasn't quite _that_ petty.

Suddenly she found herself wrapped in his arms, face pressed against his chest, and she fought to keep from just melting into him (because seriously, was it _really_ the time to enjoy being in the arms of one person when you'd just as good as promised to figure out whether or not you loved someone else?), even if it felt so _good_ that she almost completely didn't mind the way the handle of the umbrella was digging into her shoulder. "Thank you." He said quietly, his voice a rumble that she felt almost as much as she heard. "And I'm sorry."

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes _again_ (stupid tears), and she finally gave in and melted into his embrace, because there was a hollow cold feeling in the depths of her heart that made her feel like this was the last time they'd be together like this (and that was a stupid feeling, too).

… _I'm sorry too. _

17 March 2013


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings: Sonoko x Makoto, Ran x Shinichi, Sonoko x Ran. Nothing graphic.

Part 2 of 3.

Turns out, Detective Conan still belongs to Aoyama Gosho, not to me. :)

# # # Chapter 2 # # #

The café was a quiet, out-of-the way place, fairly sparsely populated even now, in the middle of the morning rush. Shinichi had told her that it was a place he'd found on a case, back before … well, he'd just said _before_, but they both knew what he'd meant.

But on this beautiful sunny morning – a rarity at this time of year – with Shinichi there by her side – even rarer, regardless of the season – and for once just chatting with her lightly on normal subjects instead of talking incessantly about his cases or making random deductions about anything and everything _except_ anything having to do with her, it was easier than usual to just … let those things go.

For all Sonoko's encouragement the previous night, she _knew_ that Shinichi would not give her a straight answer. If he was going to, surely he would have by now. So … no point in trying to force the issue and having to deal with the same evasions as usual. Better to just enjoy what she had now, while she had it. _Someday, this too will end. Someday he'll come back home to stay. Maybe he'll even give me a straight answer – the full story – when he comes back. _

_I've waited this long. I can wait a while longer. However long it takes._

"Ran?" The note of something that might almost be worry in his voice drew her out of her thoughts, drew her eyes to meet his across the table. And yes, he definitely looked worried – she'd known him long enough, even _she_ could tell that much. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head and smiled. This would be a perfect opening – but no. Better not to risk it. She was maybe not happy not to know, but … she thought she might be happier not knowing. She could wait until he was ready to tell her. Him and Conan _-kun_ both, with their secrets and their not being what they appeared to be (unless they were). She could wait until they were ready to trust her with their secrets, even if she sometimes wanted to beat them over the head and demand to know _why_ they didn't trust her; _what_ she'd ever done to give them the impression that she was untrustworthy.

… _Stop that. Lovely morning. Alone with Shinichi. Concentrate on the good things. Don't go into a tailspin about things you can't change._ At least if she ended up calling Sonoko again – well, she _would_, because she really did want to know how her friend's date had gone – she wouldn't interrupt her date _again._ Though at this time of the morning on a Sunday, she might very well interrupt Sonoko's precious beauty sleep. _Depending on how late she was up last night bouncing around as a result of her date. And whether there are any particularly interesting sales happening today._

She suppressed a grin at the thought of her incorrigible friend, then turned her attention back to Shinichi – for real this time. "No, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking – I'm really enjoying this. I wish we could do it more often." _… Stupid. Why did I say that? _

He looked for a moment like he might call her on her half-truth, but then apparently reconsidered – no surprise, considering that calling her on it would open him up to be called on his as well, and past history indicated that that was a conversation he was even more eager to avoid than her – and covered it up with a wry half-smile. "I wish we could do this more often, too." And she _had_ to believe that at least that much was truth, because if she didn't she might as well not believe in anything. He leaned forward. "Ran, I –"

A familiar tone distracted him, sending him diving for his pocket to fish out his phone to check the contents of the incoming text message. The sinking feeling in her stomach – history, again, because when was this sort of interruption ever _anything_ else, and she supposed she should be glad that at least this time around it's not like it was interrupting anything _important_ other than, you know, one of their very few chances to actually spend time together – told her the results of the message if not its contents even before Shinichi looked up with an expression so blatantly apologetic that it was almost impossible to be mad. Especially when honestly, mostly she just felt tired. "I'm –"

"You've got to go, right?" Ran interrupted him, striving for and hopefully managing 'not bitter' at least; hoping that maybe if she was the one to say it, it wouldn't hurt quite as much. "It's another case, right?"

He closed his mouth with a snap, looking momentarily surprised, then offered another wry half smile that – just for a moment – looked almost as bitter and tired as Ran felt (was doing her best not to feel, because it's not like it would help anything), and she wasn't sure whether that made her feel gratified or just … sad. "… Yeah. I'm sorry it always has to be like this."

Then he was gone, and she turned to watch him stride down the aisle and through the door at a walking pace just short of a dash, sliding his phone back into his pocket on the way; pausing just outside the door for a convulsive sneeze before he headed off in the opposite direction from which they'd come at a run.

She did her best to suppress the image that her mind tried to superimpose on his running form – now, due to the angle of the windows, almost completely out of sight – of another time and another place, and that sinking feeling in her stomach she'd had then and now always had whenever she watched him exit her life – that feeling of 'Will I ever see you again?', of 'What if this time, you've left for good?'

… _I'm sorry too._

An apologetically cleared throat brought her attention to an equally apologetic-looking waitress standing next to the table, check in hand. Ran just barely managed to resist the urge to bury her face in her hand, or roll her eyes, or do any number of other immature actions to express her exasperation with the fact that Shinichi had left her to pick up the check _again_. Sure, she respected the fact that he was in a hurry, that he'd probably just forgotten completely, but a girl liked to be shown _some_ consideration occasionally.

_And given how often he's off solving cases – try _always –_ if even a _fraction_ of them actually pay him for his efforts, he ought to have plenty of spare cash. Especially since unlike _some people_, he doesn't fritter it all away on beer and mahjongg and Yoko paraphernalia. _

… _Well. At least he'd _better _not._

But that was an argument to have for another time. Maybe when he came back for good (because surely he _would_, one day, right?), if he still had a habit of running off and leaving her to deal with the fallout then. And in the meantime, ever since that first mortifying incident – and good thing they'd been going low-key and just getting coffee at Poirot, because if it hadn't been a place she couldn't have just set up a temporary tab while she ran upstairs to find the wallet she'd somehow managed to forget, she didn't know _what_ she'd have done – she'd always made doubly sure that she had enough money with her to foot both their bills. Just in case.

"He do this to you a lot?" The waitress asked sympathetically – apparently the combination of her exasperation and complete lack of surprise was easy to read.

"Not _usually_." Ran allowed, grudgingly, as she counted out the bills. "But this is not the first time."

She wondered sometimes if the case was getting more intense – the first couple of times he'd been incredibly apologetic, promising her that he'd pay her back, or at the very least _really_ treat her the next time, even as she'd reassured him that it didn't matter (which it didn't, really, except it kind of did). But recently, he hadn't even mentioned it. Like their dates disappeared from his mind the moment he walked out the door, buried by all the other, more important things he was worried about instead. Speaking of ways to make a girl feel good about herself …

(Though she did wonder, privately, if he'd _really _remembered, that first time, or simply been clued in by Conan-_kun_ after she'd stomped around in a terrible mood for several days straight. Speaking of _really_ effective gossip chains. It sometimes seemed like they were psychically connected or something. Or the same – but that was a place she did her best not go anymore, even in her thoughts, because it had been quite thoroughly disproven a number of times. Which, as Shinichi might said, either meant that it really wasn't true … or that someone was going to a _great_ deal of effort to make it appear that way.

Which brought her back to the question of trust, because if there _was_ something going on, then Shinichi was almost by definition #1 on the list of people trying to hide it. So if she'd decided that she was going to wait for Shinichi, and to trust him, then she needed to _do_ it, not keep letting herself get distracted by all the ways in which it made a sort of utterly ridiculous sense.)

Bill paid, she stood, glanced out the window, and shook her head. _Bah. Stop this. It's too nice a day to spend worrying about things you can't change. Or worrying in general. _

Once outside, she paused in the doorway, taking a deep breath as she enjoyed the chill of the air – cool but not cold – and tried to decide where to go from here. A glance in the direction Shinichi had gone netted her more road, more shops, and a slowly growing number of people coming to patronize said shops, but of course no Shinichi; he was long gone. (A small, spiteful part of her mind wondered occasionally if he left the bill for her to pay as a way to buy time to disappear. She didn't honestly think he was that underhanded, though, and it's not like he couldn't lose her if he really tried even if she was following right behind; the only time she'd ever successfully caught him he'd been trapped on a straight foot-bridge with nowhere to go but down.)

_Dad said he'd be at mahjongg until later this evening; Conan-_kun_'s still off camping with the Professor and Ai-_chan_; I went out of my way to get all my homework done Friday night because I didn't want to have to worry about it – or worse, beg off because of it – when for once Shinichi gave me advance notice that he'd be around. I … don't actually have anything I _have_ to do right now._

A polite cough from behind reminded her that she was still blocking the doorway; blushing, she quickly stepped out of the way, then after a moment more of thought, headed in the opposite direction Shinichi had gone, feet tracing a path to a smallish park nearby. _It would be a shame to waste this lovely day by holing myself up inside, after all. _

The playground area was fairly densely populated by small children, an informal boundary formed by the parents, older siblings, or other forms of caretaker who accompanied most of them. Which just reminded her strongly of Conan-_kun_, making her wonder briefly how he'd react if she tried to bring him out to a park like this with her one day and get him to play nicely with the other kids. _He'd probably just find a corner somewhere and bounce a soccer ball around or something. _She snorted. _He's too much like Shinichi for his own good, sometimes. Though at least he has his little posse to keep him from taking things _too_ seriously. Though I swear they _triple_ his tendency towards getting into trouble. _

_Shinichi, Sonoko, and I got into our own share of trouble to be sure, but at least we didn't trip over dead bodies (well, usually) or get ourselves _shot_ at._

Her heart clenched again, remembering that terrible day. She'd been so terribly frightened, and with her (unfounded (probably)) suspicions that it was actually _Shinichi_ who had been shot, who had almost _died_ … She'd honestly been glad to be proven wrong, that time. Because seeing little Conan-_kun_ hurt was bad enough, but if it had been _Shinichi_ lying there for real …

_Ugh, what is it with you and depressing thoughts today? Cheer up! Enjoy the sunlight and having the rest of the morning off!_

And for a little while, she did just that, finding an empty bench in a less-popular section of the park, leaning back, turning her face to the sun, and doing her best to just let all her thoughts drain away for a little while.

When that began to pale, she pulled her phone out, browsing to the contacts list, and from there to her best friend's name. She paused, uncharacteristically hesitant, nervously flipping the list up and down as she dithered. She couldn't even precisely say what it was that was causing her to be so hesitant, not anything that made logical _sense_, at least. Fear that she would interrupt something again? On a Sunday morning when Sonoko had no plans that she knew of? (Which, the vast majority of the time, could be assumed to mean she had no plans – her friend was many things, but secretive about her schedule had never been one of them. Not to _Ran_.)

Fear that Sonoko would have rethought the events of last night and decided that she _was_ angry after all? That was … slightly more plausible. But that wasn't saying much – especially in the face of Sonoko's very vehement denial that she had ruined anything. _I hope she's right. Even if she doesn't mind, if Makoto-_san _did … I couldn't stand it if I drove a wedge in Sonoko's relationship. Not now that she's actually _found_ one, a _good_ one. _

She shook her head again. _Ugh, seriously, more cheer, now. _And before she could dither any further, she poked her friend's name and brought the phone up to her ear, holding her breath as she listened to it ring.

And ring.

She blew the breath out and frowned. Sonoko _always _picked up by now. Then it clicked over to voicemail, her friend's voice cheerfully exhorting whoever was on the other side of the phone to leave a message and she'd call back as soon as she possibly could, and Ran frowned deeper. _Maybe she's just really distracted by something. It wouldn't be the first time … _

She cleared her throat and tried to sound cheerful. "Um, hi Sonoko. It's Ran. I was just calling to chat. So um, whenever you're free, call me back! I'm looking forward to hearing how last night went!"

Call ended, she put her phone back, and leaned back on the bench again, trying to regain the feeling of tranquility she'd achieved only a few minutes earlier. Unfortunately, it slipped through her fingers, and she soon found herself fiddling with her phone again, as though all of two minutes would make Sonoko suddenly un-busy. As though even if Sonoko did call back just now, it would make an appreciable difference whether her phone was put away or in her hand.

_Stop that._ Ran stood, stretching, though she hadn't been sitting long enough for any real kinks to develop. _I'm sure she's just busy, and she'll call you back once she's done with whatever she's up to now, probably with several new stories in the bargain. _

_In the meantime: grocery shopping._

# # # # #

Sonoko did not call back that morning, or that afternoon, or even that evening; when Ran tried calling again after dinner – because _surely_ she'd be home from whatever she'd been doing today by now, and it wasn't like Sonoko to be so late in returning her calls; it was starting to get her genuinely worried – she was met with the same series of rings terminating in the voicemail message as before. She didn't leave a message this time – didn't really know what she'd say, other than 'I'm worried about you because you haven't called me back' which just sounded … clingy – but it only cemented in her mind the vague fear that something was wrong with her friend.

Monday, she assured herself, she'd corner Sonoko at school and find out what was wrong. Or, hopefully, simply what amazing new hobby she'd found that had simply so engrossed her that she hadn't even noticed the passing of the time or the ringing of her phone. Or maybe she'd lost her phone. Or maybe – _Or maybe I should stop speculating,_ she told herself, grabbed a light novel from the top of the stack that she kept around for the rare times that she had a few hours to herself and nothing better to do, and did her best to immerse herself in the story.

But Monday came and went without any contact – in person or otherwise – from her best friend; the only new tidbit of information was their homeroom teacher informing her that Sonoko had called in sick that morning. Which … probably meant she was actually sick. For all she acted the boy-obsessed ditz … and, well, sort of was one … Sonoko was more serious about doing well in school than she usually let on.

_On the other hand, she sounded completely _fine_ Saturday night. Could she really get sick that fast? She's not Conan-_kun_, after all. _Ran sometimes wondered if Conan's ability to catch colds at the slightest provocation was some sort of super-power (though a more useless super-power, she couldn't think of); she'd originally been worried that it was a sign of a depressed immune system, but when she'd pulled Araide-_sensei_ aside at one point after a check-up (and after Conan-_kun _had safely left the room; for as frequently as he seemed to end up sick or injured, he still had a very low tolerance for doctors), he'd reassured her that from the tests he'd had run, Conan-_kun_ appeared to be a perfectly healthy child. Some people were just more prone to colds.

_And Sonoko is not one of them._ She was, she realized, glaring at her phone again. As though on its own it could tell her whether her best friend was truly sick or just skipping. As if it could tell her whether she was skipping for reasons of her own … or because she was avoiding Ran.

_Stop that._ She shook her head. _You're blowing things out of proportion again. She probably really is sick – overtired from running around having loads of fun doing whatever it was she was doing on Sunday. Even people who aren't Conan-_kun_ get colds out of the blue sometimes too. _

Her father was off … somewhere again. She suspected it was better for her blood pressure for her not to know; she'd learn soon enough, so she might as well save the anger for once he got home. Conan-_kun_ was still on the trip he'd taken with the Professor and Ai-_chan_ – some conference the Professor had wanted to attend, she thought she remembered him saying. He was going to display some invention or another of his, and was hoping his young cousin could come play helper. Honestly she hadn't paid much attention to the explanation – one look at Conan-_kun_'s half-excited, half-pleading face and she'd known what her answer would be regardless of the details.

The apartment felt oddly quiet, oddly empty, with both of them gone. Growing up, when she'd known her father was going to be out all night, or when her parents' fighting was getting particularly loud in the months leading up to their divorce, she'd gotten into the habit of going over to Shinichi's house; his parents had always welcomed her with open arms and speaking looks she'd been too young to understand the meaning of, at least until they'd started disappearing more and more often, for longer periods of time. She'd gone over to Shinichi's house even more often, then, maybe because she knew what it was like to come home to an empty house, didn't want him to have to deal with the feelings of loneliness that tended to creep into her heart out of dark empty corners when she wasn't looking. (Particularly when Shinichi's house had so very _many_ dark corners.)

She'd never really been able to tell for sure that her visits were a help – he'd never seemed to mind being alone in that giant empty house, as far as she could tell. Probably too busy re-reading his favorite Holmes books or anatomy textbooks or who knows what to get bored or lonely.

She'd dragged Sonoko along with her a few times, though mostly when one of them had plans in mind that Ran thought they should bring Shinichi in on as well. She half-smiled down at her phone fondly. Those had been … she didn't know that she'd ever really thought of them outright as good days, really sat down and thought about whether she was _happy_ … but she kind of thought she had been.

But now Shinichi was off … doing whatever it was that he did when he wasn't around, which was most of the time, and Sonoko was maybe sick or maybe just distracted or maybe avoiding her (but she'd said it was all right!), and she didn't even have Conan-_kun_'s alternating bright childishness and behavior so scarily similar to Shinichi sometimes that it helped and hurt in equal measure, to distract her. And as she drew her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her arms, she could tell that this was going to be one of _those_ nights, where she could barely even remember what being happy had felt like, barely even believe that she ever had been, and certainly believing that she ever would be again seemed impossible.

Usually on those nights, she'd call Sonoko. Her best friend always seemed to know what to say to make her feel better – even if only by embarrassing her so thoroughly that she could forget, for a few moments, the dragging weight that seemed to hold her down. She raised her head to look at her phone again, eyes slowly focusing on the cheerily glowing time. It wasn't terribly late yet. Past the time when she should have been getting started on her homework, but she'd put it off later than this before. And maybe –

Once again, Ran dialed her friend's number before she let herself start thinking too much more deeply about it. (If nothing else, then because she knew full well that that way just led to her talking herself back out of it again.)

And again to voice-mail. She took a deep breath. "Sonoko? It's Ran. Um, again." She hated the hesitance in her voice.

"I heard at school today that you were feeling sick. I hope you're feeling better now. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I could maybe bring something over? But no, I'm sure your family has taken care of everything you need. Um, I guess I'm just babbling now. But please call if you need anything. Or if you just want to talk. You still owe me the story of the rest of your date with Makoto-_san_, after all."

The words drained dry; after a moment of staring at the far wall of her room, trying to figure out what to say, Ran finally wrapped up with a weak, "Well, um, I hope you feel better soon. And I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school? Or whenever you feel better?"

She ended the call and stared at the wall a bit longer, trying to ignore the churning in her stomach that reminded her of how she sometimes felt when Shinichi was in danger. Something felt wrong. She just hoped that she was overthinking things again, that she was just worried that Sonoko hadn't forgiven her as much as she claimed to have (even though she could not see Sonoko lying about something like that, not and sounding so sincere), and additionally worried that she hadn't heard from her best friend in _two days_ after they'd agreed that they wanted to chat again soon. Which she wasn't sure had _ever_ happened before.

She shook her head. _Get a grip, Ran. She's probably just sick. And it's _Sonoko_. If there is a problem, you'll probably be the first to know. She's never kept secrets from you before. Why would she start now? _

With a heartfelt sigh, she did her best to put her worries out of her mind (again. Not that she honestly believed she'd have any better luck this time than before) and moved to her desk, pulling out her homework for the night. She did her best to ignore, too, how empty the apartment still felt. The rare times it happened, it got her to thinking about what might happen if Conan-_kun_ ever left – if his mother ever came to take him back for real this time. She … didn't think she could bear it. Not losing Conan-_kun_ too.

_Especially not if Sonoko –_ she shook her head angrily. _Stop it stop it Stop. It. Homework. Concentrate on that. _

And if she left her phone out on her desk in easy reach instead of tucked away the way it normally was, well … you never knew, after all, and it didn't hurt to be prepared.

But the phone did not ring.

# # # # #

Sonoko finally called back on Wednesday, sounding terribly congested, coughing, and apologizing profusely in typical Sonoko fashion for not calling Ran back before then. (Possibly due to the fact that Ran had called twice on Tuesday, once Wednesday morning, and had been staring at her phone contemplating another call when it rang, surprising her so much that she almost fell off her chair.) Their conversation ended up being cut short – Sonoko had reiterated that she didn't blame Ran for the interruption Saturday night, didn't hate her either ('how could I possibly? You're my _best friend_' … and though the sentiment was a familiar one to Ran, the emphasis seemed oddly stronger than usual), but she broke into a coughing fit and begged off before they could more than start to resume their conversation about their respective dates. So Ran was left feeling reassured, but somewhat unsatisfied.

Friday saw Sonoko returning to school for the first time that week, still looking clearly off, but much better than she'd sounded on the phone on Wednesday. She greeted Ran with a smile that was a bare shadow of her usual grin, and Ran just barely suppressed the urge to hustle her back out of the school gates and back home, restraining herself to a quiet "Are you sure you're OK?"

That brought a smile closer to her usual to the surface. "Yes, I'm fine." The smile turned wry, an unusual expression on her friend's face. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

Ran slung her arm around Sonoko's shoulders, suddenly needing the physical reassurance. "I'm just glad you're OK."

There was a moment where it felt like Sonoko leaned in against her, before she ducked out from under Ran's arm and put some distance between them. "You probably shouldn't get too close. I might still be contagious."

"Then you should _definitely_ still be back home in bed." Ran said, glaring at her friend admonishingly. "Besides, given how often Conan-_kun_ comes down with the things, I'm fairly certain I'm completely immune by now."

Sonoko laughed at that – normally, Ran was pleased to notice. "It wouldn't surprise me. Mouri Ran: cure for the common cold." She spread her hands wide to indicate a billboard, or something of similar grandeur. "Maybe I caught mine from the brat. Or perhaps Shinichi-_kun_ – you did mention he had one too, right? – though I don't know how he would have managed to pass a cold on to me from across the street."

Ran snorted. "I think sometimes Conan-_kun _gets his from nowhere at all, so it wouldn't surprise me." She eyed her friend critically. "Is that … all that's wrong? You look tired." Tired didn't seem like quite the right word, but she couldn't quite figure out a better one.

Sonoko visibly hesitated. Opened her mouth to say something –

The bell rang. There was a flash of something across her face – Ran almost wanted to say relief, but that opened doors that she didn't particularly want to open, because they _didn't_ keep secrets from each other, not about hardly _anything_, and it hurt to think that there might be something that Sonoko didn't want to talk to her about – but whatever it was, it cleared away before she could be sure, leaving only her tired smile (and there was just something wrong about Sonoko looking that tired) in place. "After missing so much class, I probably shouldn't be late to the ones I'm actually available to attend." She said jokingly. A pause, so slight that Ran wondered if it was just her overactive imagination. "We can talk more after school?"

Ran smiled and said "I'll hold you to that," because really, what else could she do? And worried a little bit, because for all she'd said it in a joking voice, it hadn't felt very much like a joke at all.

The day itself passed interminably slowly. She found herself sneaking glances at Sonoko every now and then during class, as though reassuring herself that her friend was still there, and wondered why this was affecting her so badly. She had gone on vacations before, been sick before, even skipped school once or twice (though those had been a couple of the very few adventures that her friend had never managed to convince her to come along on). _Maybe it's just that usually when she's not around, I know _why_, and from her directly, rather than through the intermediary of one of our teachers. _

… _And I guess it's been a while, in general. She's been around a lot more consistently this year. _

… _I guess this is just another sign that I'm leaning on her too much. _Again. _I'm supposed to be so strong – promised I would be – so why do I keep using people, using Sonoko, as an emotional crutch? _

The bell rang again, indicating the end of the final class of the day, and the knot in her stomach loosened slightly. Maybe now they'd be able to have a proper –

White out of the corner of her eye. Her karate _gi_, lying innocently bundled next to her schoolbag, a sight she was so used to that she'd somehow managed to forget it completely. Helplessly she looked from her _gi_ to Sonoko – almost finished packing up her bag – and back, before finally picking it up and holding it next to her head with an expression she hoped portrayed 'helpless'. Sonoko looked over just in time and laughed, more of her usual vivaciousness in the expression, and made shooing motions.

When Ran hesitated a moment more, her friend rolled her eyes and walked over to her desk, then stood there for a moment, glare in her eyes and hands on her hips. "You." She declared firmly, "Are going to go to your karate club meeting right now. And kick ass as usual." She hesitated, then added, "And if you're worrying about me, you're going to _stop_. Okay? Because I'm _fine_, and we can always catch up tonight after practice."

When Ran still couldn't quite seem to make herself move (even as she inwardly cursed herself for being so blatantly hesitant, so clearly not-strong, even as she inwardly told the other part of herself to shut _up_ because it didn't _matter_ because this was _Sonoko_, after all), Sonoko rolled her eyes, picked up Ran's school bag, shoved it into her empty hand, maneuvered around the desk until she was behind Ran, and gave her a strong shove to the shoulders. It didn't really _do_ anything – she wasn't _that_ badly rooted – but Ran appreciated the thought.

"Go." Her friend's voice said from behind her. "I'll still be here when you come back."

Ran took the step or two forward that the shove would have forced a typical person into, giving herself more room to half-turn and look at her best friend, who was ramblingly continuing, "well, not _here_, here, because it's not like I'm just going to sit here in the classroom for the next several hours. I mean, probably a teacher would come try to kick me out even if was interested in trying, which I'm not, particularly. And probably not here as in the school, either, since I don't have tennis today and again, loitering. But, you know, _here_."

Ran laughed helplessly because, well, Sonoko; did her own manhandling of her friend in the form of turning her around (she did so without protest) and giving a much more gentle shove of her own. "I know. Go home and get more rest, silly. I'll call once I'm out of karate club, okay?"

Before Ran even had a chance to start berating herself for sounding hesitant, Sonoko turned just enough to smile over her shoulder. "It's a – I mean, sounds like a plan!"

With what was actually starting to look like a reasonable approximation of her usual energy levels, Sonoko skipped out of the room, leaving Ran to shake her head, still smiling, and make her way out as well.

Karate went about as well as she had any right to expect. She certainly wasn't performing at what she knew to be her best, but neither was she letting her current worries have such an appreciable impact on her concentration that any but a couple of the other high-level students noticed the difference. (She was fairly well-practiced at setting her worries aside when she stepped onto the mat, after all. Even if it hadn't been practically required in the first place, she didn't think she could have survived club without it back in those first days after Shinichi disappeared. Or anytime he or Conan-_kun_ got themselves into serious trouble. Again. Or – well, the point was that she had a lot of worries, but those were always relegated, as much as she could, to be strictly off the mat, because otherwise in her distraction she was liable to get herself or someone else hurt.)

And as she had often found in the past, even just the act of attempting to put her worries to the side, when combined with the focus required from karate, left her feeling more balanced and emotionally centered as she bade her farewells to her club-mates and started towards home.

Unfortunately, that serenity lasted only until she passed by the market on the way home and suddenly remembered that Conan-_kun _was due back in that evening, that her father would still be home as well, and that there was very little left in the apartment to eat – and she suspected that the easily prepared bits and pieces left had made their way into her father's stomach for lunch. (Or rather, she dearly hoped so, given that otherwise he'd probably had a liquid lunch and she was really _not_ in the mood.)

And between buying groceries, cooking dinner, getting Conan-_kun_ settled, playing brief hostess to the Professor and Ai-_chan_, who had come by to drop him off (though thankfully they proved disinclined to stay for supper, because she definitely had _not_ planned for two extra mouths to feed), getting her father up and moving and doing something just barely more useful than drinking beer and shouting at the TV, herding her two housemates together for dinner (even Conan-_kun _was being more recalcitrant than usual, due to the fact that he'd apparently returned home with several new detective novels that he hadn't had a chance to finish reading yet, and he was seriously _so _like Shinichi sometimes that she could cry. Or shout. Shouting seemed like the better path to take in this case), and dealing with cleanup afterwards, it was … far later than she'd really expected before she finally escaped to her room, shut the door, and slid down it to lean against it with a tired sigh.

_I can't believe I was just bemoaning the emptiness of this apartment only a couple of days ago. After dealing with _both_ children downstairs – and really, Father should be ashamed that usually it's Conan-_kun_ who's the more adult of the two of them – a bit of emptiness is beginning to sound awfully nice …_

She leaned her head back against the door and allowed herself one more tired sigh before she pulled out her phone, staring dully down at it. Part of her, tired from the tension of the day (of the entire week, honestly), and reinforced by the hectic evening, just wanted to curl up and ignore everything. If their conversation ended up taking a turn towards weightier topics, she wasn't entirely sure she could deal with it.

But she really did want to know. … And a good complain wouldn't hurt, either, if the opportunity arose.

This time, Sonoko picked up after the fifth ring – still enough longer than usual to start the nerves curling in her stomach again; to where she had to (probably badly) suppress a sigh of relief when her friend _did_ pick up, responding with a cheery "Ran! I was wondering if you'd been kidnapped or something!"

Ran laughed. "Don't you think you'd be a more likely target for kidnapping than me?"

"True." Sonoko mused. "Do you think, if I were kidnapped, Kid-_sama_ would come to rescue me?"

Ran struggled between laughing again and burying her face in her hands, finally giving in and doing both. _Oh Sonoko … _"Probably only if your kidnappers were unwise enough to hang some expensive jewelry off you and then announce your location on the front page of the newspaper."

Sonoko chortled. "Uncle Jirokichi would have a _hernia_! He'd probably come rescue me before Kid-_sama_ even had a chance, just to make sure that when Kid-_sama_ came, he'd come for him."

Ran snorted. "Honestly, that wouldn't surprise me. … Though he wouldn't be the only one, you know."

"… Yeah. I do." The sudden solemnity of Sonoko's response dropped into their conversation like a large stone, momentarily silencing them both, before she seemed to shrug it off, continuing brightly, "And that's another reason I wasn't _too_ terribly worried – I figured even if you _were_ kidnapped, it was only a matter of time before you beat them all up and escaped!"

"Your faith in me is touching." Ran said – dryly, for all that it was also true. "But no, nothing so exciting. Just Father being himself and Conan-_kun_ acting like Shinichi with some new light novels the Professor apparently bought for him on their trip. I swear it took me fifteen minutes just to get him to put his book down and come to the table to eat!"

Sonoko laughed. "Now, that's not really very fair to the little brat." She said. "At least unlike Shinichi-_kun_ he did let you drag him away eventually." Her voice turned wicked. "Of course, if Shinichi-_kun_ tried something like that now, you could probably … _persuade_ him to leave his book."

"Sonoko!" Ran was glad her friend wasn't there to see how hard she was blushing, even if she knew there was nothing that could keep her from sounding absolutely mortified. "I wouldn't –"

"Uh huh." Sonoko had a very good 'unconvinced' tone – perhaps due to the frequency with which she brought it out. "You know you're thinking about it right now."

Ran blushed harder and didn't dignify that with a response, for all that she knew that Sonoko would interpret her silence – correctly – as agreement. After a moment, she cleared her throat. "_Anyway_. If you're done embarrassing me to death, I believe we had some gossip planned?"

"Awwwww." She could almost hear Sonoko's pout. "But embarrassing you to death is so _fun_." Ran rolled her eyes, but before she could figure out an appropriate retort, Sonoko continued. "How did your breakfast date go? He did make it, I hope?"

Ran considered for a moment pointing out that she wanted to hear gossip about _Sonoko's_ date, not talk about her own … but she suspected all that would happen is that Sonoko would argue her around to still finishing talking about hers first. "Yes, he made it." She confirmed. "And it was … good. He seemed to have calmed down some, I guess? So we had a good chat, at least until he had to run out about halfway through."

Sonoko sighed on the other side of the line, loudly enough to be clearly audible. "You should seriously just tie the boy to you or something. Oh, hey! Handcuffs! Does your father still own any?"

"I don't think so." Ran said, surprising herself with how sincerely regretful she sounded. Yes, she'd promised to wait for him, and she was pretty sure handcuffing Shinichi to her _didn't_ count, but some days … Most days, really …

_And even if I did …_ She snorted suddenly. "I bet you that even if I did manage to find a pair of handcuffs and attach myself to him, it'd turn out to be one of those times Kaitou Kid was disguising himself as Shinichi, and he'd just slip out of the handcuffs somehow and disappear."

"As well he should!" Sonoko asserted. "How could he come be _my_ Kid-_sama _if he was trapped with you, after all?"

"Isn't that a bit greedy? Trying to monopolize Kaitou Kid on top of having Makoto-_san_ all to yourself?" Ran asked jokingly – one of the few subjects related to their respective love lives that she felt like she could actually make quips about rather than simply receiving them.

Silence on the other side of the line; so unexpected that it took Ran several moments to even recognize that it was happening, so prepared had she been to listen with a grin to Sonoko's usual impassioned spiel about how it wasn't the same thing at _all_, and in fact it worked out perfectly because whenever Kid-_sama_ spirited her away like one of the jewels he targeted, Makoto-_san_ would come to rescue her, and _no_ she wouldn't get tired of being shuttled back and forth like that.

"… I guess I really am." Sonoko finally said quietly. "Greedy."

"I was just joking!" Ran protested reflexively. "You _know_ that I wouldn't –"

"That doesn't make it not true, though." Sonoko interrupted, still in that almost freakishly quiet tone. Ran almost thought it sounded resigned as well. "Too greedy for my own good, really."

"… What are you talking about?" Ran asked, then could restrain herself no longer. "What _happened_ on Sunday? Or Saturday night, did something happen after we got off the phone? Did Makoto-_san _get bored or angry and walk out on the rest of your date? _Please _tell me he didn't, I'd never forgive myself for ruining your date. Or did something happen earlier this week while you were sick and not returning my calls?" _… Damn it. I didn't mean to say that last part. … Even if it is true._

"Makoto-_san_ wouldn't do that!" Sonoko protested almost before she finished speaking, and the return to something much closer to her normal attitude made Ran relax slightly, and the fact that she _hadn't_ inadvertently cut Sonoko's date short made her relax further. She hadn't really thought that Makoto-_san _would do something like that – she didn't know her best friend's boyfriend all that well, but he didn't really seem like that sort of person.

"—f he had."

Sonoko's glum tone distracted her from her relief in time to catch the end of her muttered comment, but not the beginning. "Sorry, what?"

"… Never mind, it wasn't important." Her friend said brightly. Almost artificially so. "He was still there when I got back. We talked for a long time – ended up going for another stroll after dinner, though this one wasn't interrupted by either muggers or your boyfriend. And then I think I maybe broke up with him."

Her entire description was delivered in roughly the same tone of voice, so it took a moment for the meaning of her last statement to sink in. Ran blinked. "Wait, you _what_?"

"… I think we broke up." Sonoko repeated, still attempting to sound cheerfully dismissive.

"But _why_? You two were doing so _well_ together. You really like him, and it's always sounded like he really likes you, too. What went wrong?" The sinking feeling in her stomach suddenly rushed back to life with a vengeance. "This wasn't because I interrupted your date, was it? He didn't deliver some sort of stupid ultimatum, did he?"

"No!" She sounded exasperated. "How many times do I have to – no, it's _not_ your fault. And no, there was no ultimatum. Don't worry, if there had been, there would have been no 'maybe' about me breaking up with him." She sighed. "I –" there was a muffled crash, followed by a bit-off curse and various other noises. Ran leaned her head back against the door, closing her eyes and smiling as she tried to figure out what her best friend had knocked off her desk this time.

"… I hope that wasn't anything too expensive."

"What? Oh, no, just a few knick-knacks I had on my desk. Good excuse to put them up, really. And a few pencils. And a textbook."

"A _textbook_." Ran hoped she sounded suitably impressed. "You must have been gesturing awfully vigorously to manage to sweep one of those off your desk."

"… I might have had it propped up vertically."

Ran laughed. "… Anyway. You were saying?"

Sonoko sighed. "I … sorry, I still don't really have it all straight in my mind. Makoto-_san_ … he said that he could see himself still together with me years in the future, but that he was … worried, I guess? That I didn't feel the same way. So we talked about it, and the things he said … made more sense than I really expected or wanted them to. So I've been thinking about it, and, well …" She made a frustrated noise. "I still don't – ugh. I'm still thinking about it, I guess. But in the meantime, I didn't feel like it was really fair to make him hang around waiting for me to decide whether I still wanted to be with him or not. So. I kind of broke up with him. Maybe."

Ran's heart ached for her friend, especially given the clear conflict that she could hear in Sonoko's voice. Whatever it was that they'd talked about, it had clearly really affected her deeply. Made her wonder if maybe she had gotten sick because she was so consumed by worrying over this to take proper care of herself. _And I wish that she'd talked to me about this earlier, too. Maybe I could have helped. Or at least provided a friendly listening ear._ But this wasn't the place for her hurt feelings. … Though she couldn't help but be curious. "How do you 'sort of' 'maybe' break up with someone?"

She was pleased to hear that that at least earned her a snicker, before Sonoko explained, "I called him Sunday night – he had to take an early flight out Sunday morning – and told him that I was still thinking about what he said, and that I didn't feel right trying to hold onto him while I was still figuring out how to get my own head on straight. So I said that," in the brief pause, Ran could almost see her friend biting her lip, "that if he wanted to find someone else, that I wouldn't … try to hold him back."

… _I wonder if I would have had the strength._ "And what did he say to that?" Ran prompted gently.

A choked chuckle. "He said that he'd happily wait for me as long as I wanted him to." A muffled hacking cough – Sonoko must have turned at least partially away – which served to also suddenly remind Ran that Sonoko _was_ still sick. "… I don't deserve him, Ran." Particularly when she sounded that way, so sad and lost and defeated and not like herself at all. "I really, really don't."

"Of course you do!" Ran protested reflexively. She stared at the far wall, trying to come up with the right words. "… And also, liking someone … I'm not sure it really has anything to do with 'deserving' anything. I wonder sometimes what Shinichi sees in me, that keeps bringing him back even when he spends the rest of his time off running around the world getting into adventures that I'm sure are far more interesting."

"But that's not the same at all!" Sonoko argued. "You're kind and sweet and intelligent – not as book-intelligent as _him_ because really, who is? But certainly a lot smarter about certain _other_ things – and badass and just generally an all-around awesome person. I'm just …"

Ran fought past her unexpected blush. "Kinder than you give yourself credit for, vivacious and friendly, loyal, and not nearly as dumb as you like to pretend you are, either." _… The one person who can cheer me up when I'm feeling down about Shinichi. Or about anything, really. I don't know what I'd do without you. … Well, other than go completely spare wondering where you are, as this past week proves … _"I don't know exactly what Makoto-_san_ sees in you, but I bet it's something like that. _He's_ not precisely stupid, either, after all."

She got the chuckle she wanted out of her last comment, though it was still waterier than she'd have preferred.

When it became clear that Sonoko wasn't planning on adding anything else, Ran hesitantly asked, "About whatever it is that's been worrying you – is there anything I can do to help? I could maybe talk it through with you?"

"_No!_" Sonoko said, surprisingly vehemently. While Ran was still blinking in surprise, she added, "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I just … this is something I need to figure out myself, I think. Though I do really appreciate the offer."

"Okay." Ran said, though now she was more curious than ever – and a little hurt, besides. "Well … I'm here for you, you know, if you need me. Though I have faith that you'll figure it out eventually."

"I … kind of think I've sorted out how I feel. Mostly." Sonoko offered hesitantly. "I just don't really know how to – what to do about it."

"Well, you could always just be yourself." Ran said impishly. "Say 'to hell with the consequences' and just jump in enthusiastically."

Sonoko laughed harder than her joking suggestion really warranted. "I … that has crossed my mind. But these potential consequences are a bit much for even me to risk without second thoughts."

"… You do realize that everything you're saying is just making me more curious, don't you?" Ran asked, doing her best not to sound petulant.

"Heh. Sorry." Sonoko said – and she did sound genuinely apologetic, enough so that it made Ran feel a bad for saying anything.

"No, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't pry." _I should be used to waiting for people to tell me their secrets by now, after all. … Okay, let's stop it with the bitterness, too. _

Sonoko laughed. "Don't worry about it – you're being far more polite about it than I would probably have been in your place. And … thanks. For being here, and listening, even though I'm refusing to tell you everything. It really helps a lot. … More than you know."

"With how frequently I make you listen to me whine about Shinichi, I'd be a pretty bad friend if I wasn't willing to return the favor occasionally." Ran pointed out. "And … I'm sure you'll figure out the rest. Consequences and all. If for no other reason than because you've never been one to let yourself get trapped standing still."

Sonoko was silent for a long moment. "… Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right." By the end of the sentence, she was sounding clearly brighter, much more like her usual self. "I feel kind of like a broken record now, but, thanks. That really helped. And … well, if I do ever decide what to do, you'll be the first to know."

"Good luck." Ran said sincerely. Her wandering eyes caught the clock across the room and she cursed. "I hate to do this, but … I haven't finished my homework yet, and …" She trailed off, not quite willing to end the call, not now that things actually felt almost normal between them again.

"… You'd actually like to get some sleep tonight?" Sonoko finished wryly. "I hate to admit it, but I'm getting pretty tired, too. And I guess I should be trying to get extra rest right now. I hate being sick …"

"Yes, you should go rest." Ran agreed. "And … I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow." Sonoko agreed, and hung up.

Ran finally stood up, trying to stretch at least some of the kinks and numb spots back into shape. _Why did I think that was a good place to sit again?_ She eyed her bed with suppressed longing before heading over to her desk.

… _And after all that, I still have to finish my homework. _

# # # # #

White Day.

Ran greeted it with the combination of anticipation and trepidation that had become disappointingly familiar to her in recent times – magnified, which she hadn't even realized was possible, by the fact that this was the first White Day since she had officially started dating Shinichi.

Valentine's Day she'd made him chocolates, and once again he'd snuck in and taken them without actually showing his face to her – she'd somehow managed to fall asleep even though she had been consuming enough caffeine that she'd have sworn she was capable of remaining awake and buzzed for the entire night. She'd sent him a couple of highly irritated texts for _that_, and especially for once again not waking her up when he was there, but his only response had been "But you look so cute when you're sleeping".

Which was, okay, kind of gratifying. But also _really_ not the point.

But today – would he remember? Was he even _around_ to deliver anything? He'd been here on Valentine's, and again barely two weeks later for their date – she'd actually seen him in the flesh that time, no less! – so expecting that only a couple weeks after that he'd _still_ be in the neighborhood (or be back, because if he was still around why hadn't she seen him?) seemed a bit much to ask.

"Ran-_neechan_?"

She looked down. "Yes, Conan-_kun_?"

He brought from behind his back a small package, wrapped surprisingly neatly, and said "These are for you." A blush suffused his face, so unintentionally adorable that she had to resist the urge to just grab and hug him.

_Was Shinichi ever this adorable?_ She wondered, as she accepted the gift – almost certainly chocolates – with grave thanks. "Are you sure you should be giving these to me, and not Ai-_chan_ or Ayumi-_chan_?" She asked. The suspicious part of her mind buzzed, unable to decide between _How thoughtful – clearly not Shinichi _and _Is this Shinichi's way of trying to demonstrate he cares, even when he can't be here as himself? _As always, she reached no resolution, and eventually shoved both theories away.

"I have some for them, too." He said, looking a bit … resigned? "And for all the rest of the girls in my class. But Sensei said that boys gave chocolates to the important girls in their lives on White Day, and you're important to me, too, Ran-_neechan_." He paused, then added, "Sensei also said that it was especially important to let girls who'd given you chocolates on Valentine's Day know that they were important to you, too. And you did!"

Ran suddenly felt guilty that the chocolates she'd given Conan-_kun_ – along with the rest of his little posse – had actually just been leftovers from the ones she'd made (this time _without_ any murder involved) for Shinichi. _Though if he's Shinichi, he won't mind. I don't think. Is it possible to be jealous of yourself? … _Stop_ that. What's gotten into you this morning?_ She crouched, to put herself closer to Conan-_kun_'s level. "Well, I'm very happy that you gave me chocolates. You're important to me, too." _Whether you're Shinichi or not_.

This made him blush even harder; to distract him, she stood back up, placing the chocolates on the coffee table, to be opened later that evening, and looked back down at her small charge. "Well, it's about time for both of us to be heading to school, I think. You wouldn't want to be _late_ delivering the rest of your chocolates, would you?"

This argument did not seem to overly impress him, but the reminder that school started soon enough that they really ought to be leaving _now_ got him moving all the same. Ran finished a last little bit of cleanup from breakfast before grabbing her own school bag and meeting Conan-_kun_ at the door.

… At least that was her plan, but Conan-_kun_ was already most of the way down the stairs, giving her an excellent vantage point as he checked their mailbox and … paused, going still and intent in a way that for a moment reminded her of Shinichi in those rare situations where he was confronted with information completely at odds with his deductions. "What is it, Conan-_kun_? Is there something in the mailbox?"

He jumped, and the moment of almost-recognition passed. "Yes, it looks like a package." He looked up at her, innocence radiating out. "Do you have a secret admirer, Ran-_neechan_?"

That hurried her progress down the steps. _Maybe Shinichi -? _"Not as far as I know." She said. "But I _do_ have an absentee boyfriend."

"So you think it might be from Shinichi-_niichan_?" Conan-_kun _asked, holding the package out – no sender specified anywhere, and a piece of computer paper with her name typewritten on it taped to the front in lieu of a proper address.

She frowned down at the package. "I'm actually not sure. It doesn't seem like – but with Shinichi, you never know, I guess." She checked her watch and sighed. "Not enough time to properly investigate it now, I guess – not if we both want to get to school on time." She tucked the package into her school bag, glad that it was slim enough, and her bag lightly packed enough, that it actually fit. "I guess I'll take a closer look at lunch, or once I get home, or something."

"Would you wait until I get home, too?" Conan-_kun_ asked, looking up at her with that pleading face that she had such a hard time resisting. "I want to help solve the mystery of your secret admirer – if it's not Shinichi-_niichan_ – too!"

Ran laughed. "All right. I promise I won't start without you."

"Yay!"

# # # # #

Ran propped her chin on her hand and looked over at Sonoko and the stack of chocolates populating her desk. "That looks like more than last year." It was not the largest stack in their class, but it was also far from the smallest. _That would probably be me._ Ran thought, resigned, as she resisted glancing down at her own desk. She already knew what she'd see – a blank desk, since the duty chocolates from a handful of her _kohai _in the karate club had been temporarily stored in the notebook holder underneath the desk and the mysterious package that may or may not have been from Shinichi still resided in her bag.

"It is." Sonoko confirmed, looking like she was torn between feeling pleased and resigned. "Maybe they somehow got wind of the fact that I'm single again." Then turned her scrutiny towards Ran. "So has your husband given you anything yet?"

"Sonoko …" Ran sighed. "… I don't know, actually. I got a package in the mail this morning that looks about the right size, but it wasn't signed, there was no return address, and my name was printed from a computer so I don't even have handwriting to go off. It _might_ be Shinichi, but he's never gone to all that trouble before …"

"Ooh, a mystery!" Sonoko perked up. "Have you opened it yet?" Ran shook her head. "Why not? Aren't you curious? Open it now!"

Ran raised her hands, laughing at Sonoko's insistence. "You and Conan-_kun_ … No, I haven't opened it yet. I was running too late this morning to, and then Conan-_kun _asked that I wait to open it until I got home. He's curious about whether it's from Shinichi or not, too."

Sonoko made a face at her. "He made that pleading face at you again, didn't he? And you _totally_ folded." Ran just shrugged, wearing a self-deprecating grin, and Sonoko sighed her 'what am I going to do with you?' sigh. "But I want to know _too_." She whined.

"You could come home with me this afternoon." Ran offered, liking the idea more the more she thought about it. "And then we could hang out and do homework together afterwards – we haven't done that in _forever_, not since before you got sick."

Sonoko laughed. "Even _I_ wouldn't call a couple of weeks forever." Ran attempted to keep her thoughts on _that _to herself, but apparently she wasn't controlling her expression quite as well as she'd hoped, because Sonoko made another face. "I _wouldn't_! … Well. Usually." Caught out, Ran intensified her look of disbelief. Sonoko just rolled her eyes. "_Anyway_ …"

"So you'll come?" Ran asked.

Sonoko considered briefly, then nodded. "I'll come."

# # # # #

Ran sat on one side of the coffee table, Sonoko and Conan-_kun_ on the other, as the three of them looked down at the mystery package sitting on the coffee table between them. It made it feel like more of an Event than it really ought to; made her reluctant to break the tableau.

Then Sonoko started bouncing her knee and Ran knew that if she didn't move soon, an explosion of impatience was imminent. Ran picked it up and started carefully unfastening the wrapping paper. This revealed a box of white chocolates – a brand Ran was particularly fond of – and a small white envelope. Within the envelope was a card – white cardstock, with two typewritten lines.

_I have never understood why so few people recognize how brilliantly you shine. _

_ I will be there to watch your back as long as you will have me._

The blush appeared instantly and, from the intensity of the heat in her face, she suspected quite visibly as well. She was now more sure than ever that this was not from Shinichi – he _might_ make the outside wrapping anonymous if he was in a particularly paranoid mood (though she'd come to recognize that when he was feeling paranoid, he usually just didn't show up at all; at his most paranoid he'd even cut telephone contact), but she could think of no reason why he wouldn't at least sign the card.

Plus, the sentiment – though she could occasionally catch him saying things that seemed romantic to his weird brain, she could not see him ever having said _that_.

She turned it over, but there was nothing else on the backside of the card. Turned over the chocolates, but she didn't see anything else out of place on the box itself, either. Nothing that she, at least, could recognize as a clue to her definitely mysterious admirer.

"… What does it say?" She blinked, slightly surprised that Conan-_kun_ had spoken first, and wordlessly handed over the note.

Both heads bent over it, Conan-_kun _lookingup first. "Well, whoever your admirer is, it's probably someone you know." He said. He held the card out towards Ran, only to have Sonoko snatch it before she had the chance to take it back.

She stared at the front another couple seconds, then turned it over. "What makes you think that?" She asked doubtfully.

"Because of the second sentence." He pointed in its general direction, since Sonoko was holding it high enough that he couldn't reach the card itself. "'As long as you will have me.' The implication is that there's some level of conscious choice on Ran-_neechan_'s part as to whether she'll accept the admirer – without knowing that they are also her admirer – sticking around, which wouldn't be the case if this admirer were unknown to her and just watching her from afar."

Ran shuddered at the idea of having an unknown stalker – she wasn't even really comfortable with the idea that _Shinichi_ might be watching her from the shadows, and she'd known him from childhood.

"Maybe it's one of the guys from your karate club?" Sonoko suggested. "You know them pretty well, and they'd be good at watching your back."

Ran frowned doubtfully. "I don't know … I like to think I'd have noticed if one of them had a crush on me by now. And I'm fairly certain that none of them have a romantic bone in their bodies."

"Maybe it's a really well-hidden bone?"

Ran snickered. "Maybe." Sonoko held the card out and she accepted it back. "Thanks. I guess I can maybe ask around." Though she had the sinking suspicion that she'd do no such thing. What would she _say_? 'Hi, I was wondering if you stuck chocolates in my mailbox? Also, I hadn't realized you knew where I lived?' She blinked. "He has to be someone who knows where I live." She stated. "Which I don't think any of the karate guys do. … Unless whoever it is really _is_ being a creepy stalker and following me home …"

She put the card down on the box and leaned back against the couch with a huff, running her fingers through her hair. "This is impossible. I don't even know where to start." Then her eyes caught the text on the card and she found herself blushing again. _Idiot. What are you doing? You have a _boyfriend_. … But there's nothing wrong with being pleased – if somewhat weirded out – by the fact that someone else thinks so highly of you, is there? _

"Maybe I'll just wait and see." She found herself saying. "This person – whoever he is – doesn't _seem_ to mean me harm. And maybe if I don't react, he'll come forward and we can discuss it face to face and I can let him down gently."

"Or maybe he's just content with watching you from afar, happy as long as you're happy." Sonoko said, falling into hopeless romantic mode with her usual enthusiasm.

"If so, I'll just have to show him that I am happy, and that'll be the end of it." Ran said with a smile, then stretched and stood, picking up the chocolates. "Whoever it is, though, he has awfully good taste in chocolate. Sonoko – if you want, you can head up to my room, and I'll meet you up there once I put this with the others." And do _something_ with the wrapping paper. It seemed a shame to throw it away.

Sonoko hesitated, then looked at her watch. "I'm sorry, Ran – I just remembered that I promised someone I'd meet them soon. If I don't go ahead and head out, I'll be late. With my luck, I'll probably be late anyway."

"Oh." Ran said, disappointed. "In that case, I guess there's nothing you can do. I'll see you in school tomorrow?"

Sonoko flashed a grin. "Of course! I'll help you stalk the karate guys if you want to try and figure out for sure if one of them is the culprit."

Ran rolled her eyes. "I'm _not_ going to stalk my teammates. Or let you do it. And it's a box of chocolates, not a murder; I'm really not sure that the word 'culprit' is appropriate."

Sonoko wrinkled her nose. "Spoilsport. Some of those guys are awfully cute, you know."

A quip about Makoto-_san_ was on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back just in time – it was still so _weird_ to her, that the two of them were no longer together. And Sonoko with her mysterious thing that she needed to work through but wouldn't let Ran _help_, but who still managed to be as bubbly as usual most of the time – Ran wondered if she'd every truly understand her friend. So she rolled her eyes and just made shooing motions. "Go on now, before you become truly late. There'll be plenty of other chances for you to ogle my teammates."

Sonoko grinned. "Fair enough! Bye!" With a jaunty wave of the hand, she was through the door and gone, leaving the room feeling weirdly smaller and a lot emptier than it really ought to given that it was only one person who had left.

"I should really get started on homework, too." Conan-_kun_ said from behind her, heading for the door as well.

"All right, let me know if you need any help." Ran said – as she always said, though as long as he'd been staying with her Conan-_kun_ had never needed her help on his homework (except when the innocent questions he asked about his homework ended up somehow being the key to solving a case) (and really, if he was Shinichi, that would make perfect sense; elementary school homework had been ridiculously easy for Shinichi when he'd _really_ been growing up; if he was going through it a second time she was actually rather surprised that he hadn't commit suicide from sheer boredom. Though maybe that was an even better argument for him _not_ being Shinichi …)

At the door, Conan-_kun_ turned and flashed her a bright smile. "I will!" Then he too was gone, leaving the room feeling even smaller and emptier.

She sighed a small sigh, picked the wrapping paper up and, after a moment's consideration, folded it several times and stuck it underneath a paperweight on one of the shelves. There. It would be a decoration until or unless she decided what else to do with it.

She'd come back to the coffee table, picked up the chocolates, and was about to head to the door herself to take them upstairs when she heard a very familiar piping voice through the half-open window.

"Sonoko-_neechan_?"

_What is he doing downstairs?_ She thought, a bit irritated. _If Sonoko's not going to work with me on homework, she's definitely not going to give _Conan_-kun any help. Not that he needs it in the first place. _She moved towards the window, intending to close it – Conan-_kun_ must have opened it earlier to air out the office, but now that most of the stale beer and cigarette smell was gone, they really should stop leaking their fairly minimal heat quite that much. _No wonder I've been feeling a bit chilly._

Then Conan-_kun_'s next words stopped her in her tracks. "It was you who gave Ran-_neechan _the chocolates, wasn't it, Sonoko-_neechan_?" And, in fact, stopped her brain from working at all, for one long moment of utter incomprehension. _Surely he didn't just say –_

"What in the world are you talking about, brat?" Sonoko asked, irritated, and Ran relaxed. _What a weird – I really must have a chat with him when he comes back inside. About lying about where he was going, too, for that matter. _

"The 'culprit', as you called him – or her, rather – is someone who knows Ran-_neechan_ well enough to know her favorite brand of chocolates, who knows where she lives, and who is close enough to her that she – or he, if you insist – made sure all the writting was typed, indicating a strong probability that Ran could identify that person's handwriting on sight."

Conan-_kun_ had gone deep into his non-childish mode, the one that made it nearly impossible for her to ignore her suspicions because they were _just so much alike_ … though in this case, she was finding it surprisingly easy to do so given that the subject matter was taking most of her attention. Because _really_, there was just _no way …_ (Not even if Conan-_kun_, when he got like this, was wrong about as frequently as Shinichi was when deep in deduction mode. Which was to say, somewhere between 'very rarely' and 'never'.)

"Even just given that evidence, the most probable suspects narrow down to you and Shinichi-_niichan_. And Shinichi-_niichan_ is Ran-_neechan_'s boyfriend; there's no reason he'd need to go to all that trouble. And in fact, given that it's White Day, he'd probably go out of his way to make sure that Ran-_neechan_ knew that the chocolates were from him, otherwise there'd be no point. So that narrows the field of most probable suspects down to one: you, Sonoko-_neechan_."

"That's all just supposition, though!" Sonoko argued.

Ran winced, starting to believe despite herself, because no matter how _impossible _it seemed, that's the sort of tone that murderers tended to take around the time her father had revealed the trick but not yet the final damning piece of evidence – a tone that was almost as good as a confession itself, though of course it would never hold up as evidence in court.

"Add to that how strangely you've been acting recently – not coming over or dragging Ran-_neechan _out to things as often, completely cutting off contact for a week – which even though I wasn't _here_ when you'd cut off contact, I could still tell how much happier she was once you started talking again –"

"I was sick!"

"Normally when you're sick, you're even more demanding of Ran-_neechan_'s time in retaliation for being laid up and bored." He said dryly, in a voice so like Shinichi's that it almost jolted her out of her focus on his words.

"Not to mention," he continued inexorably, and she was again reminded of the way her father laid out evidence and drove the criminals into confession, "the utterly transparent excuse you gave just now to get out of there once you'd seen her reaction to your gift."

"So wait, being _curious _now means that I'm somehow the gift-giver?" Sonoko asked, sounding so much more herself that Ran once again began doubting. "_Like I said_, it's probably one of her karate club members."

"… Whose writing she's seen often enough to be afraid that she'd recognize it? And who would actually be paranoid enough about being recognized to think of that?" Conan asked. "Not to mention the fact that if you weren't the gift-giver, you would probably have started spinning up wild theories, each one more ridiculous than the last, as to who it was. Instead, it took you until after I started theorizing to come up with a suggestion to divert suspicion – and it was actually a _reasonable_ suggestion."

"I'm _always_ reasonable." Sonoko protested. "Hey, stop looking at me that way! You and Ran and Shinichi-_kun_, I _swear_ …"

"… You're not trying to drive a wedge between Shinichi-_niichan_ and Ran-_neechan_, are you?" And there was something in his voice that felt too dark for a child his age.

"I would _never_." Sonoko said, higher pitch and louder than the rest of their conversation. Then, at a more normal tone, "I _wouldn't_. I hate the way Shinichi-_kun_ treats Ran, always have, probably always will, but … he's who she wants, and he does make her happy when he's not making her sad. And really, I just want her to be happy."

Sonoko's voice broke on the last word.

"'Or maybe she's just content with watching you from afar, happy as long as you're happy.'" Conan-_kun_ quoted softly, though Ran was sure that the change in gender was intentional. "But in that case, why the chocolates?"

"Have you ever _seen_ how Ran gets on White Day?" Sonoko demanded. "Hardly anyone at school notices that she exists, even though she's one of the best people I know, and Shinichi either slips something under her door or whatever way late at night after she's spent all day worrying about whether he'll actually get her anything or not, or forgets entirely, and I just wanted _something_ to go right for her today. … Shit."

Still halfway to the window, Ran sank to the floor. Quietly, because if they hadn't realized by now that she was listening through the open window, she _didn't_ want to be the one to let them know. Though she was distantly rather surprised that her legs actually supported her weight long enough to keep her from just dropping.

Outside, Sonoko continued at a volume almost too low for her to hear, and almost without thinking about it Ran moved closer to the window. "I just wanted to remind her that she's loved. Even if she never knows that it's me. Even if she never realizes just _how much_ I l—how much I admire her. Because it tears me to bits every time Shinichi-_kun_ just goes waltzing off to wherever the hell he's gone and leaves Ran stuck here helpless, not knowing where he's gone or how long he'll be there, and knowing that even if he got into trouble there's no way she'd be able to get there in time to save him."

"… I don't think Shinichi-_niichan_ really wants to leave any more than Ran-_neechan_ wants him to." Conan-_kun_ said, equally quietly, after a long, silent moment.

"Maybe." Sonoko said, sounding flatter and angrier and bitterer than Ran was used to hearing her – she'd known that Sonoko didn't like what Shinichi was doing (not that Ran _did_), but she hadn't realized her best friend felt so _much_. "But I don't see how it matters, when either way Ran gets hurt just as much."

Another moment – even longer, even quieter. "… Perhaps it really doesn't." Conan-_kun_ agreed, almost inaudible even with her back all the way up against the wall. (And when had she made it all the way over here?)

"… Listen, brat. Conan-_kun_." Sonoko said abruptly. "This whole thing is kind of above your level. But would you please not tell Ran?"

"Are you sure that's the right thing to do?" Conan-_kun_ asked. "You want her to be happy. And if you think she would be happier with you …"

Sonoko laughed, a little bitterly. "_Would_ she, though? I wonder. And I _don't_ want to lose her friendship if she doesn't feel the way – which I'm sure she doesn't. She's got Shinichi-_kun_, after all. I don't think I could bear it losing her friendship." She sighed. "And even if I thought there was a possibility she might be happier with me, she's still happy with him. Occasionally. When he's around. And I'm _not_ going to be the one to ruin that. I just … wanted to help."

There was another long pause, in which Ran wished rather fervently that she could see the expressions on both their faces. Finally, Conan-_kun_ sighed. "I think you're setting yourself up for pain."

"I _don't care_." Sonoko insisted.

"… But if you really don't want me to, I won't say anything."

"Thanks, brat!" Sonoko said brightly, sounding more like her usual self. (Though if she could hide something like _this_ from Ran, what sort of friend _was _Ran not to have noticed?) (Though now at least it made a lot more sense that this was a problem that she couldn't have helped Sonoko with, not without revealing the exact thing that Sonoko was trying so hard to hide.)

"Ack, not the hair!" Conan-_kun_ protested, and Ran muffled a snicker, easily able to imagine Sonoko ruffling his hair vigorously in her own obnoxious way of saying 'thanks'.

Silence again. The thud of shoes on the stairs, and she tensed for a moment as they neared the second floor, trying to come up with a reason she was sitting against the far wall of the office, just below the half-open window, that didn't involve the word 'eavesdropping'. She tried to make herself get up, go do something – _anything_ – less suspicious. Pretend that nothing had happened, at least until she had a chance to be properly alone and think through what had just happened.

But the sound of footsteps didn't even pause at the landing, continuing on to the third floor, and Ran released a breath that she hadn't even realized she was holding in a long sigh, freed, for the moment, of the need to pretend that everything was normal. She leaned her head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before she closed her eyes.

… _What am I going to do now? _

1 April 2013


	3. Chapter 3

Warnings: Sonoko x Makoto, Ran x Shinichi, Sonoko x Ran. Nothing graphic.

Part 3 of 3. Hopefully I did it justice. :)

As usual, Detective Conan still belongs to Aoyama Gosho, not to me. (But only 3 more days until volume 79 comes out! A copy of that will _definitely_ belong to me.)

# # # Chapter 3 # # #

_But I don't see how it matters, when either way Ran gets hurt just as much._

Conan ran up the stairs as fast as his short legs could carry him, trying to outrun Sonoko's accusing voice (when she didn't even know it was _him_ that she was accusing!) as it reverberated through his head.

He paused briefly at the door to the office on the second floor, not even really knowing why. What would he even say if he burst in there, after having told Ran that he was going upstairs to work on his homework? Even if he hadn't promised Sonoko he wouldn't tell Ran anything?

Would he beg her not to leave him? How selfish was that, when even he could see that Sonoko was absolutely right?

Tell her that he was, in fact Shinichi, that he'd _never_ abandoned her? When he'd spent so long hiding that precise fact for reasons that were still completely valid? Was he really going to throw everything he'd done to protect Ran away just because he was afraid?

He dashed up the second flight of stairs at a slightly less frantic pace, returned to a hopefully normal-seeming walk as he passed through the common areas of their small apartment (though from the beer cans scattered on the table in front of Mouri-_san_ and the eagle-eyed attention he was paying to the TV, Conan suspected he could have run through screaming at the top of his lungs and not rated more than a brief glance), just barely resisted slamming the door to their shared room, and unfolded his futon just enough to throw himself onto it face-first.

Part of his mind observed that he was currently doing an excellent impression of a proper childish sulk.

The rest told that part what it could do with its observations, because really, he'd kept his cool in front of Sonoko (which had been easier than he would have expected, if this were a thing that it had ever occurred to him to expect, perhaps because he had still been so blindsided by the whole idea that he hadn't quite gotten around to sorting through his own reactions yet), and _not_ burst back into the office to say something (probably an extremely unwise something, because _all_ the options were) to Ran, and really wasn't that _enough_ being adult for the evening?

_Sonoko loves Ran._ He prodded the thought gingerly, like a sore tooth. _No, that's not right – that much has been obvious for years. Sonoko is _in love with _Ran. _That's_ the new part. _

His thoughts felt like they were whirling at twice their normal speed, never quite settling, perhaps because the only thoughts that seemed coherent enough to have a chance of settling were invariably the ones that he kept trying to shove away.

Like, _I wonder if Ran loves her back. Could fall in love with her. Would want to fall in love with her, rather than having to put up me anymore. _

Like, _I wonder if she'd be happier if she did. _

Like – and this got the boot even faster than the rest because it rang just a little bit too true – _I bet it would make life easier if she did. _

He was fairly certain that if he were one of those histrionic characters that sometimes showed up in the dramas Sonoko liked to watch (… and just when he'd been trying to _stop_ thinking about her), he'd be screaming into his pillow right now. Well, his comforter, since he was still flopped sideways across his futon, so his pillow was still an arms' reach away. (Or more. He _hated_ being this short more than he hated almost everything else about having been shrunk. Except maybe elementary school. Except even elementary school had the rest of the Detective Boys to watch out for, and Haibara to trade quips and speaking looks with while Kobayashi-_sensei _wasn't watching, so it wasn't as terrible as it could have been. And there was simply _no_ advantage to being short.)

_I love Ran. I am in love with Ran. Yes, I confessed on the spur of the moment because I didn't know what else to say to get her to _listen_ to me, but I still _meant_ it. I still mean it. And even if it makes things a little bit harder – even if it means taking a few more risks – even if it makes it damn near _impossible _sometimes to pull myself away, even knowing that my secret's at risk if I stay – it's _worth it_. To me. _

… _But what if it's not worth it to her, too? _

… _Is it really right of me, to ask her to stay? _

He flopped over and stared at the ceiling. _Stop it. You're just depressing yourself. Think about this _logically_, if you can. Question 1: even if Ran knew about Sonoko, _would_ she feel the same way? You _know_ she loves you – you'd _better_ realize at least that much, after all the dancing around each other you've done, after her confession in response to yours, after all the dates you've been on and especially after all you've seen of how she acts when you-as-Shinichi are not around to see. _

… _On the other hand, this is Ran. I could easily see her having enough room in her heart to be in love with us both. More than enough. … Would I be okay with that? With sharing her? _

That thought he prodded even more gingerly than the rest, not entirely certain he _wanted_ to know how he felt. But he wasn't going to get anywhere if he just sat here avoiding all the thoughts he wanted to avoid (especially given how many of them there were), so he persisted, at least far enough to come to the conclusion that he didn't really like the idea very much. But if it was what Ran wanted …

He wasn't sure, honestly. If it was what Ran wanted, then _maybe_ …

… _And there I go, jumping to conclusions again. Why are emotions so _hard_? _ He considered, for a moment, calling up Hattori and pouring his complaints out to his other best friend. Maybe he'd have some bright ideas. _Right. The guy that even _I_ think has the emotional sensitivity of a brick wall. _Not to mention that even if she hadn't said so outright, Conan was more than capable of translating 'Don't tell Ran' to 'Don't tell anyone'.

… The more he thought about that, the more he wished he hadn't agreed. He was already keeping so many secrets from his best friend and girlfriend (For how much longer?) (_Shut up_); he hated to add another one. Especially not one that was already hurting Sonoko and that would hurt Ran, too, if she ever learned (and in particular, if she ever learned how long Sonoko had managed to keep it a secret from her).

_Who am I kidding? It's hurting Ran already. _Even _he_ had been able to tell that something was off about Sonoko (though he'd never really considered _that_), and for all that they'd grown up together, Conan's attitude towards Sonoko most of the time had always been somewhere between amused tolerance and irritation. Bosom buddies, they were not. (Except those rare cases when Ran got in over her head and it was up to them to pull her out. Because they might not be terribly fond of each other – even less so now than before – but it was _Ran_. And maybe that should have been his first clue?)

But Sonoko was Ran's _best friend_. There was no way that she wouldn't notice that there was something off, something bothering her friend. And she wasn't dense enough to miss the way that Sonoko would either deflect or just outright refuse to talk to her about it. Conan thought that might actually be more hurtful to Ran, especially in the long run, than just coming out and telling her.

_She probably doesn't want to risk screwing up their friendship. And I guess it would be pretty hypocritical of me to deny _that_ as a valid reason to hesitate, wouldn't it? _

He flopped back over, burying his face in his covers. _What do I do? _He once again considered and promptly discarded screaming. Either it would be completely muffled and he'd just feel silly, or someone _would_ actually hear and come to investigate, and how would he explain himself then? (He couldn't even decide which would be more awkward – Mouri-_san_ or Ran herself.) _Ugh. I can't even decide what I want, much less having any idea at all how I'd accomplish that desire. _

_I just don't want Ran to be hurt any worse than she has been already. _

_And _dammit_ Sonoko, isn't that the reason you _did_ that in the first place? Can't you see that refusing to tell her is going to hurt her just as much as telling her would have?_

His inner Sonoko point-blank refused to listen to reason. Which was … pretty accurate, honestly.

_Maybe I could give her a call as Shinichi, try to convince her to reconsider. Maybe she'd listen to someone who _is_ old enough to know what he's talking about. … Because that would go over so well. Me, Ran's _boyfriend_, trying to convince her to confess her feelings? … I'm not sure I'd even be able to go through with it. This emotion stuff is hard enough when I'm directly involved. _

… _Besides, how would I explain away knowing? Conan telling me? I don't _really_ want to see how close she can come to kicking my ass at this size. Just happening to be passing by on the street as she and Conan were having their conversation? That street was empty enough that even _Sonoko_ would probably have noticed if I was really there. And how would I explain away being in the neighborhood but not dropping by? Especially since even if she said nothing else about our conversation, I'm sure Sonoko would be the first to mention to Ran that I'd been here without seeing her _again_, and then I'd get yet another talking-to on _that_ subject. _

… _And come to think of it, do I even _have_ her phone number? _He rolled over again – back the direction he'd come from, since otherwise another good roll would have sent him off the edge of his futon onto the ground. And yeah, there's no way he'd hurt himself by falling all of a couple of inches, but it was the principle of the thing. He pulled both phones out and held them up, Shinichi's in his far hand so that he could hide it under his pillow temporarily if necessary, and scrolled through his contacts lists in tandem. _Su … There, Suzuki. _Then blinked and suppressed the urge to laugh. _How did I manage to get her crazy uncle's cell phone number, but not the number of Sonoko herself? _

Though that was really the least of his issues – in a pinch he could 'borrow' Ran's phone and copy the number over.

… _I suppose I probably _should_ rectify that matter. If we're going to end up seeing more of each other. _He shook his head. _Stop that. Stop acting like it's inevitable when you don't know if Ran ever _will_ learn, and even if she _does_, you have no idea what she'll do with the knowledge. She may turn down Sonoko completely. _

… _Or she might kick _me_ out of her life instead. _

He curled in on himself, as tightly as he could manage – and he supposed that was one benefit to being so small and young and comparatively flexible; it made it a lot easier to make a very small ball of himself – and clutched both phones, and tried his hardest to push that thought away.

Because if Ran ever _did_ make that choice, he wasn't sure he could even blame her for it. _And then what – continue my life as Conan, right here, watching her be happy with someone _else_? Watching that someone else be _there_ for her, the way I've never really been able to be? _

There was wanting your loved ones to be happy even if you were not, and then there was just pure masochism, and Conan was pretty sure he knew which one _that_ was.

Dimly, he heard the door to the apartment shut. So either Mouri-_san_ had left, or Ran had returned (and given that the show the former had been watching was due to run for at least another 30 minutes, and the TV sounded like it was still blaring as loudly as ever, he knew which one _he'd_ bet on). He listened more closely, but heard no sign of the raised voices that typically accompanied Ran finding her father and his usual chaotic mess in front of the TV.

Curiosity wrestled briefly with the urge to stay curled up and wallow in his insecurity some more, but in the end it was really no contest. He tucked both phones safely away once more (taking special care, as always, with Shinichi's), and headed for the door.

He found Ran in what, if it hadn't been in clear view and on the way, would probably have been the last place he'd think to look for her: leaning against the closed door to their apartment, her shoes not even off yet, dazedly staring into the distance with a lost look in her eyes and a slouched posture that made it look like she was laboring under some terrible weight.

And Conan realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach that felt a little bit like disappointment and fear and a lot like relief that the question of _whether_ Ran would find out was apparently moot, because he could think of nothing else that had happened in the past hour that could have put that sort of look onto her face. (At least not anything where her immediate second reaction wouldn't have been to shake her initial reaction off and go drag her father off to fix things.)

He wondered for a moment how she'd heard, then memory helpfully pointed out a half-open window just above where he and Sonoko had held their conversation, such a typical occurrence that he'd barely paid attention to it at all except to briefly appreciate, as usual, the way it improved the room's smell.

… _I guess I should have kept my voice quieter. But I had to get her attention _somehow_, or she really would have left. _He brushed the thought away. Now was not the time to deal in 'what if's. And at least this saved him from needing to worry, anymore, about whether it had been the right thing to promise Sonoko he wouldn't interfere. Even if it did open up a whole host of other problems that he'd been trying his best _not _to think about.

_So keep not thinking about it. There's still not really anything you can do. It's in Ran's hands, now._

He took a step forward. "Ran-_neechan_?"

She blinked and looked down, jarred back to the present. "Oh, Conan-_kun_." She pushed away from the door and began sliding her shoes off, acting like she hadn't just been standing there almost deaf to the world. As she looked down at him, the emotions flashed across her face so clearly that he almost felt like he was reading her mind. Irritation covering a sliver of betrayal that made him feel suddenly uncomfortable and guilty for his previous misdirection – _Why did you lie? _– an opened mouth that made him think for a split second that she really was going to call him on it; mouth re-closing with a flash of insight and guilt of her own – _I can't ask him why he went to talk to Sonoko without admitting I was listening _– followed by weariness and confusion that edged towards panic – he was less sure of this one, given his own state of emotional compromise, but he thought it was probably _What am I going to _do_? _– followed by the slamming on of a mask of fake happiness worse than he'd seen in quite some time.

(And that was saying something, given how very many of them he'd seen. And how great a percentage of those he had _caused_. … Sometimes he didn't entirely blame Sonoko for probably hating him.)

"How's the homework going?" She asked, voice as falsely cheerful as her smile. "Do you need any help?"

"I'm almost done." He replied, ramping up his own perkiness in automatic response. (Sometimes it made Ran feel better. Though he suspected this time was beyond his abilities.) He was also lying through his teeth, though not in the way Ran probably suspected – he'd long since finished it; all that was left was to do a final check of his answers to try and ensure that he wasn't showing skills too far above his current grade-level. He got enough attention already for things he couldn't help (and _yes_ that involved helping solve murders, which he didn't think he could give up if he tried); he didn't need to attract official attention at school for being some sort of genius prodigy child on top of it.

_Though at least my kanji scores are much better than they were first time around. Heh. _That much he'd compromised on, since he knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn't be able to effectively hide the fact that he could read a lot better than most other members of his age-group. Plus, if he couldn't occasionally indulge in the new releases from his favorite light novel series (when they came out, not the weeks or months later it would take him to find an excuse to hide away for long enough to read them in secret), he really _would_ go insane.

Haibara, on the other hand, appeared to have convinced everyone that she read high-level scientific journals "for the pictures". He still wasn't sure how _that_ worked, other than to acknowledge that she could pull off a _damn_ good innocent look when she tried. (Though it never ceased to amaze him that it actually worked, because really, hadn't these people ever _met_ Haibara?)

"Oh. Okay." She gifted him with another of those terribly fake smiles, and Conan couldn't tell whether she'd just decided not to call him on it, or whether his response hadn't even really registered.

Shoes off, she stepped out of the entrance hall, then stopped, seeming to have lost whatever impetus had driven her towards attempting to act normal. He took another step towards her, honestly starting to worry, even as the more rational part of his mind pointed out that it was getting late, and that she was probably tired in addition to the emotional shock. "Ran-_neechan_? Are you all right?"

She blinked again, smiling down at him with a smile that was more sincere, but also a lot more sad. "Yes, I'm fine. I –" she shook herself, apparently thinking better of whatever she'd been about to say, "— I'll be fine."

He shifted to the side of the hallway to let her pass, watching as she silently passed the living room, her father _still_ cheering Yoko-_chan_ on, completely oblivious, and with an over-enthusiastic sweep of his arms knocking several of the beer cans that had been on the table to the floor; went to her room, and quietly but firmly shut the door.

Conan just stared after her; if she'd been around, Ran might have been surprised at how strongly the frustration was written across his face. _You're clearly _not_ fine. _

… _But maybe you will be. Eventually. I hope. … Since that's apparently all I can do._

# # # # #

Conan couldn't precisely say that the next several days made him wish he was Shinichi still because, well. He always did. Even when concentrating fully on some other task, there was usually some small part of him, not buried nearly as deeply as he'd prefer, that would occasionally flare up with bouts of useless frustration – at his height, at his apparent age, at his comparative lack of manual dexterity, at having to dumb himself down during school, at not being to tell Ran who he really was, at a hundred thousand things both big and small that all combined to grate slowly but constantly on his patience.

But they were definitely on the more frustrating end of the scale, because although even as Shinichi he would have been almost as powerless to affect the situation (in any way he felt he had the _right_ to affect it, at least), at least he would have been there at school _with_ Ran and Sonoko, and had some idea of what went on between them.

Instead he had to make do with what he could deduce based on Ran's attitude returning from school and the fact that Sonoko had not come back over. Though he didn't have enough information to be able to say with any level of certainty whether her continued absence was her idea, Ran's, or both.

On Ran's part, that first night's sleep had done her a world of good in being able to fake normality; Conan was fairly certain that her father didn't have a clue that anything was wrong. Conan himself wasn't sure he'd have caught all the cues if he hadn't already been watching her more closely than normal and already known about the problem she struggled with.

And she still clearly struggled – she returned from school just that little bit sadder than usual; there was always that brief pause between arriving back to office or apartment and her sealing the mask back in place with the same iron resolve that he'd grown uncomfortably familiar with from being the one who was there to help deal with the fallout that Shinichi always seemed to leave in his wake when he once again disappeared from her life. (He wondered if it was strange that a part of him _hated_ Shinichi, for many of the same reasons that Sonoko did. It didn't really seem healthy to hate himself, especially when he _knew_, the way Sonoko did not, exactly why he _couldn't_ stay. But perhaps that gave him even less leeway, because knowing how much effort he put in made it even easier for him to pointedly wonder if he was doing _enough_.)

From that, he could deduce that the situation was still unresolved; surmise further that it was likely still in the same uneasy equilibrium as before, with Sonoko knowing but not knowing that Ran knew, and Ran knowing, but not knowing what to do about that knowledge, since he suspected any change in the status quo, positive or negative, would affect Ran's behavior somehow.

So he could not say he was entirely surprised when, the evening of the third day after White Day, Shinichi's phone vibrated. (Okay, so there might have been some flailing involved. And he might have fallen off his futon, where he'd been lying reading manga. And there may have been a panicked rush to the door to triple-check that it was already shut. But _intellectually_, he wasn't surprised.)

Once he'd made sure that he was as alone and safe from discovery as it was possible to be given that he and Ran were both currently in the same apartment, and in fact if she was in her room, were only a thin wall away from each other, he dug out Shinichi's phone and examined the text message he'd just received.

_Is now a good time to talk? _

Short. To the point. Utterly lacking in clues as to the subject of the conversation, except insofar as it could hardly be anything _but_ something to do with White Day.

(Though a small part of him hoped that the subject would be nothing more than her reaming him out for the text message he'd sent in the early hours the morning after, with a picture of a box of white chocolate against a deliberately blank background, accompanied by profuse apologies that this was the best that he could do because he just couldn't break away at the moment.

The box itself had been hidden in the back corner of the closet until he could figure out what to do with it; Sonoko's package in the mail slot had surprised him sufficiently that he had failed to slip his package in in the morning; he was too personally curious about the mystery package to want to distract Ran with his own gift when he got home from school, and after that he hadn't precisely been in a proper state to deal with it … nor had it really felt right to, with Ran so deeply distracted by Sonoko's gift. It hadn't seemed quite right to do nothing at all, either, though, so … he'd compromised. And hated himself all over again, because it seemed like he was always compromising, and that those compromises always seemed to end up hurting Ran.)

As a yes or no question, it really should have been easy to answer. Yet he found his traitorous finger hesitating above the 'reply' button. It took far more effort than it should have to make himself finally press it, or to type out his own response, almost as short.

_I'm sorry, but I can't get away right now. I should be able to steal some time to give you a call tomorrow afternoon, if you'll be free then? _

That message dealt with, he then composed and fired off a request to Haibara to find an excuse to bring him over to the Professor's house tomorrow sans the rest of the Detective Boys, in roughly the same amount of time that it had taken him to gather the nerve to press 'Send' on his message to Ran.

He then flopped gracelessly back onto his futon (which was really beginning to become a bad habit), and waited for the responses. Neither took long; both were assents – Haibara's coming with a rider to the effect that she looked forward to hearing the latest developments in his own personal little romantic comedy. He huffed something between a sigh of relief and a laugh. _This particular development might surprise even you._

Phone tucked safely away again, he stared at the ceiling and attempted to decide whether it would be better to curse himself as a fool or a coward.

He decided to cover his bases and go with both.

# # # # #

"Congratulations." Haibara deadpanned. "I believe your life has now officially moved from 'romantic comedy' to 'daytime drama'."

Conan rolled his eyes. "Thanks so much. Could you at least attempt to _pretend_ you're not laughing at my pain?"

Haibara smiled, innocent with a side of shark. "Why, I have no idea what you mean. Though if I _was_ terrible enough to take enjoyment from your self-inflicted emotional problems, I'm sure you'd be discerning enough to figure it out no matter how hard I tried to hide it. So really, not hiding it at all seems like a good way to conserve effort on both our parts." She paused, for a moment, finger to her lip in a clear mockery of a thinking pose, before raising it as though to emphasize her point. "Also. It's a lot more fun this way."

Conan sighed and gave in. "Fine. Whatever. Is the Professor's old study still unoccupied? I'd like to have some privacy."

"Completely abandoned." She affirmed solemnly. "No one's even been there in months." Too solemnly. Up-to-something solemnly.

When he entered the room, it was clear why; given there was still a while yet before he had been planning to call Ran, Conan gave in to his urge to turn on his heel, leave the room, and hunt down Haibara (who'd returned to her section of the lab to fiddle with one of her computers and quite blatantly minimize several windows in rapid succession when she heard him coming). When his intentionally loud stomping into the room failed to stir even a hint of her attention from the computer screen, he cleared his throat pointedly. "If you're going to plant listening devices," he declared, "You should at least make sure to dust the entire room, so that it's not blatantly obvious exactly where you've been."

Haibara turned around in her chair, gifting him with an approving smile (in a manner that never failed to feel condescending, though he hadn't entirely decided yet whether or not he thought that was intentional). "I see that the emotional mess you've been wallowing in hasn't interfered too badly with your mental faculties." _That_ was definitely condescending.

"… So now that I've passed your paranoia test, can you point me towards a location that's _actually_ private?"

"Oh, don't worry, the listening devices in the old study are all fake." Haibara said blithely. "I just planted them there to see how you'd react."

"Right." Conan responded, not even attempting to hide his disbelief. "And I'm sure if I opened up the windows that you minimized when I entered, I wouldn't find anything remotely resembling a computer program tracking the contents of those bugs in real time."

"Do go ahead." Haibara said brightly, pushing her chair away to make the offer even clearer. "I don't mind at all."

Conan eyed her for a long moment, then shook his head and sighed again. "Never mind. I'm sure whatever you have set up, its primary purpose in life is to horribly embarrass me and make me sorry I ever asked."

"… Would I do something like that?" Haibara asked, playing up the wide innocent eyes to the point that even Conan might have been tempted to believe her, if not for the fact that he knew very well the keen, gleefully malicious (though rarely outright harmful) brain that rested behind them.

He turned back towards the door. "Never mind. I'll just borrow the professor's bedroom or something, I guess."

"That's bugged, too." Haibara said absently.

Conan whipped his head back around to stare at her. "Seriously? Is there anywhere in this house that _isn't_?"

She shrugged. "About half the entrance hall. The kitchen isn't bugged specifically, since it's open to the living room bugs." A considering face. "A couple of other small dead spots. But otherwise, no, not really."

Conan thought, not for the first time, that Haibara took paranoia to an all new level. He thought it made a good reminder to himself of how _not_ to deal with the fear that seemed to be Haibara's constant companion. (Not that he himself was necessarily all that much better at dealing with it. But he at least seemed to have avoided the worst of her paranoia. Except when they really _were_ out to get him.) "… So basically, you're saying that even if I'd gotten rid of the blatantly obvious – and apparently fake – listening devices in the old study, you'd still have been able to listen in because the normal ones would have already been there."

"Do you really expect me to answer that?"

"… No, I guess not. How long has all this been going on, anyway?" Then he thought back to other conversations he'd had with Ran, on recovery days from taking one of the temporary antidotes or sometimes, like this time, simply conversations he had a suspicion would be sufficiently long and fraught that it would be best to have more than a wall separating the two of them. "… Never mind, I'm probably better off not knowing." He had to admit to grudging respect – however she'd hidden however many bugs she'd hidden, she'd done so _well_. He'd never seen a sign of them before, nor detected any electronic interference –

He narrowed his eyes at her suddenly. "Those are pretty amazing bugs of yours, to not cause any interference. If they exist at all."

Haibara simply flashed him an enigmatic smile. He had a hard time imagining a less helpful response, although he had faith that Haibara could, if challenged, come through with one. _Forget it. Either they exist or they don't. And if they do exist, they're at least several months old, judging from the dust levels of what _wasn't_ touched recently in the study – in which case I've already had plenty of conversations near them without knowing. _

He sighed, giving in. "Just … don't listen too closely? Or mention the contents of our conversation, _ever_, especially to me?"

"Of course!" She looked indignant. "What do I look like, a voyeur?"

He could have responded in a number of ways. None of which would have made meaningful contributions to the conversation, particularly since he knew that by this point, he was mostly just prolonging the conversation because it was an excuse to not make the phone call.

_I think you've used up your cowardice allowance already, haven't you? _

So he restrained himself to rolling his eyes at her again, and was treated to an appreciative slight widening in her smile (_very_ slight, but with Haibara you took what you could get) as he turned to leave.

"Good luck." She said as he crossed the threshold – so quietly that he almost thought he'd imagined it; certainly quietly enough that he strongly suspected she'd outright deny having said anything if he responded in any way. So he let himself smile a smile of appreciation that she couldn't see (unless she really had bugged the entire house and was currently looking at his face from bugs placed in the hallway, he supposed), but did not turn back or otherwise acknowledge her comment.

Just past the threshold he paused, considering where to go given his new maybe-knowledge. But really, assuming he was going to stay inside the house (and going outside to talk just opened a new can of worms), the entire house being bugged (if it even was) was, insofar as it affected his behavior, effectively equivalent to it not being bugged at all. So he headed back to the old study, because at least it was situated such that his voice would be unlikely to disturb either of the other occupants of the house, and there was a nice big comfortable chair there. He suspected he'd want that comfort.

Once he'd kicked off his slippers and curled as deeply into the chair as he could go (and that was one benefit to being small, he supposed – sitting cross-legged in a chair was a lot more comfortable when his knees weren't in constant competition with the arms of the chair for space. Still wasn't worth it, though), he pulled out his phone, gave himself one long moment to indulge in a final bout of indecision and Really Not Wanting To Do This, took a deep breath, and called.

She picked up halfway through the second ring – must have been waiting impatiently since she got home from school – and Conan's mind suddenly blanked. "Um. Hi, Ran."

"Shinichi!" She sounded … glad with a side of relieved, he thought. _Not a straight-up breakup call, then. Probably. I think she'd sound sadder and more determined if that were the case?_ He didn't regret never having been in a relationship before Ran – had never been interested in anyone _but_ Ran, really – but he did sometimes wonder if maybe he'd be able to understand her better if he actually had more experience dealing with other girls. "Um. Thanks for calling. I know you must be busy."

"Things _are_ a bit hectic right now." He said, with what he hoped was the right level of offhandedness. "I can always make time for you though. Um. You wanted to talk about something?"

The other side of the line was silent for long enough that he found himself having to resist pulling his phone away from his ear to make sure that the call was still connected.

"… I hate to – I mean, I know this is a terrible thing to ask of you. And I really hate to. And I won't blame you if you tell me to shut up and go away. But, um …" Her voice, initially quiet, became enough quieter that he had to strain to hear. Didn't think he _would_ have been able to hear, if not for the fact that the room he sat in was relatively well sound-proofed. "… could you pretend, just for a little while, that you're just my best friend? Because I _really_ need a friend's advice right now, and I don't know who else to turn to."

Conan opened his mouth to give his typical response – what he probably _would _have said if he hadn't known any of the context behind what he expected this conversation to be about – '_Did something happen between you and Sonoko?' _– but then just as quickly killed the response. There was attempting to maintain the fiction that he wasn't _there_, seeing the majority of her life even as the role in it that should have been his languished unfilled, and then there was just petty cruelty. And he tried to avoid the latter as much as he could. "I'll do my best." He said instead. _I hope my best will be good enough. Because as much as I am fond of my logic and my deductions, I don't know that I _can_ separate my emotions out entirely. Not when you're concerned. Not when I'm _so afraid_ that – stop that. Counterproductive. _Focus_. _

"… Thank you." She said, sounding relieved again. Then fell silent again. Conan waited long past the point at which he'd usually impatiently break in and try to push the conversation along; he could barely believe that she was actually talking to _him_ about it, so he definitely _didn't_ want to do anything that might prompt her to change her mind. (And if she still saw him as one of her best friends, if he could at least keep _that_, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad, even if worst came to worst? … Who was he trying to kid, when he couldn't even fool himself?)

He leaned further back into the chair and closed his eyes, easily sketching a mental picture of Ran, expression conflicted, growing more and more frustrated as she tried to figure out what to say, where to start, unable to quite decide on the best way to put it. Maybe she'd gotten up and started to pace – he'd seen that a few times, with particularly animated conversations with Sonoko. Though there hadn't been any of _those_ lately, either.

"… You're not coming back any time soon, are you? Not permanently." When she finally spoke, it came almost as a surprise; when the meaning of her words sunk in, it felt almost like she'd driven a knife through his heart. "… Do you think –?" She made a disgusted noise. "I'm sorry, that's not where I meant to start at all. It just –" She halted herself again, and when she next spoke, her voice just sounded very tired. "Now that I've said that much, I suppose I might as well at least finish the thought. Will you _ever_ be back? For good?"

"Of course!" Tumbled out of his mouth before his brain had a chance to double-check it, driven as much by _Because if I stop believing in that much, at least, I'm not sure what else I'll have to keep me sane _as by the borderline hopelessness in Ran's voice. "I _will_, I just –" Now he was the one stopping mid-sentence, trying to come up with the words. He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on his free arm as he stared blankly at the far side of the room. "I _want_ to come back. I just … can't. Not now. And this case is so big … I don't know when I will be able to, just that it won't be forever." _I won't _let_ it be forever._

"Is this case _really_ that important?" Ran asked. "More important than –?" She bit the last word off with a gasp, and he could almost see the mortified look on her face, that she'd almost said what he suspected she'd thought plenty of times before (because whatever else you might call what he'd done, it sure as hell wasn't _fair_), but never actually said outright. But then she apparently decided that if tonight was going to be a night for uncomfortable questions, she might as well go all out. "… More important than me?"

A shiver crawled down Conan's spine, making him wish for a blanket that he could use to cover himself and pretend it hid him from the rest of the world. He closed his eyes again and rested his forehead against his arm, _knowing_ what his answer was, and _hating_ it, and himself, and maybe even hating Ran a little bit for asking (except how could he ever hate Ran?), and hating himself more for feeling the need to respond honestly, now that his honesty had been so baldly requested, rather than deflect her with another pretty lie. (Because really, there were enough of those littering their relationship already.)

"… Yes." It was barely more than a whisper, but he'd said it. "Yes." He said again, at a closer to normal volume. "It's more important than you. It's more important than me. It's more important than _everything_, and I'm _sorry_."

Silence on the other end of the line, and Conan cringed, waiting for the blow to fall.

"I _hate_ this." Ran said, quiet and intense and he thought it might have actually made him feel better if she had shouted. "I _hate it_, I – why couldn't things be _easy_, why couldn't you be _normal_, why couldn't I just _not care_ –"

She paused, maybe just to take a breath, but Conan found himself pulled into treating it as an opening, with a divorced-from-himself feeling of _If she's saying all the things we usually pretend to ignore, maybe I can too._ "Are you … tired of waiting?" And that was _so_ unfair, especially when he knew about what Sonoko had done, even if she didn't know that he knew, but he'd wanted to ask for so long because really, how could she _not_ be tired? He honestly couldn't understand why she hadn't kicked him out of her life a long time ago, had mostly managed to convince himself to accept it and not question his good fortune, but there was always that tiny, niggling part of his brain wanting to know _why_.

"Yes!" And that was almost a shout. "No! I don't –" she muttered something that sounded like a curse and Conan blinked. Ran rarely cursed (and even more rarely since he'd shrunk, since she did a better job than most people of remembering to restrain her language around the small child he appeared to be). "I _am_ tired of waiting. I've been tired of waiting since that night you didn't come back. I want you here, safe, where I can see you, where you can't just run off and leave me wondering if you're okay or if I'll even ever learn if you're not. But I'd still wait for you forever, if that's what it takes. As long as you'll come home someday, I _will_ wait until that happens."

"Ran …" _Thank you_ and _I'm so sorry_ tangled in his brain, strangling his voice.

She sighed. "At least, that's what I always thought. What I still think. I think. But – I'm so confused right now, and I can't –"

If he hadn't known, right about now he'd be interrupting, asking her what on Earth she was talking about and reminding her to get her thoughts in order and start at the beginning (condescendingly, she'd probably say, though really he didn't mean it that way – it was just good advice, is all). And this was why he was such a terrible actor, because even knowing that, he couldn't quite make himself do it, couldn't divorce himself from who he _was_ well enough to have a hope of accurately portraying who he could have been.

She laughed, suddenly, with a little choke to it that made his throat tighten in response. "I know, 'get my thoughts in order and start from the beginning', right?" And he was so _proud _of her in that moment (even if he was aware that she'd probably see the pride as condescension too). She sighed. "Okay. The beginning. Um. Remember you promised, okay?"

"I'll do my best." He repeated. _I just hope it's enough_.

"Well, I guess the beginning was probably a few weeks ago, that night that we had a date at the same time as Sonoko and Makoto-_san_ …"

She gradually painted a picture of the following weeks for Shinichi; Conan allowed himself a brief mental pat on the back for already having noticed most of the things she'd mentioned, though being Ran she downplayed just how upset she'd been.

"And now she gave me a White Day present anonymously but I just happened to overhear Conan confronting her about it so I _know_ it was her, and I know she doesn't really expect anything from me because of it but I _want_ to respond somehow because the fact that she feels like she needs to hide this from me is tearing me apart and I want my friend _back_, but I don't know _how_ to respond, especially since she doesn't know that I know, and I don't know what to _do_." She paused to take a breath, then continued, miserably, "And I don't know why I'm even talking to you about this, because it's got to be the worst thing ever to ask your boyfriend how to deal with someone who wants to be your girlfriend, but I didn't know who else to ask."

_Oh Ran …_ "I must admit, it does seem like a strange choice." He said, deliberately lightly. "Though not so much because of the boyfriend aspect of the problem as because I'm well-known to be even more terrible at dealing with matters of the heart than you are." But before she could figure out how to reach through the phone and strangle him for being flippant, he continued, "But I'll help however I can."

… And it was actually gloriously _true_. All his worries about what to do, about what impact this might have on their relationship (_please please let it not spell the end of our relationship_) … it was surprisingly easy to shelve them, and concentrate on Ran. Because ultimately, she was the important part. And he never could stand to see her sad. (Had to see far, far too much of that as it was.)

"… Thanks." She said, with a weight that said that she wanted to say so much more, but that no other words could adequately express the depths of her relief. "I don't know what I would do without you. Especially now that Sonoko's –" She cut herself off.

He could almost see the way she was probably hugging herself, now, and that mental image allowed him to finally release his own curl and lean forward. "I think the first question is," he said, "how do _you_ feel about Sonoko?"

Stunned silence. Conan pulled his phone away from his ear briefly to give it a puzzled look. What had he said wrong now? He'd thought that much, at least, was obvious.

"What do you _mean_, that's the most important thing?" Ran said angrily. "What about you? What about _us_? Are you just going to let us go, just like that? And this could _ruin_ Sonoko. And what would my father think? And our friends? And … and …" she spluttered.

"I'm _not_ going to just let us go!" Conan almost shouted, half-standing, gripping the arm of the chair with whitened knuckles. _So _that_ was the trap_. "I _love_ you, idiot, and the only way you're getting rid of me is if you tell me to get lost. But you asked me to wear my best friend hat, and I _did_." He settled back down, forcing himself to loosen his grip on chair and phone (if he wasn't so physically weak, he thought he might have broken it), and continued wearily, "I stand by what I said. The questions of what is appropriate, what the consequences are, whether you think they're worth it – those are all things that can be addressed after you know what _you_ want. Anything else is borrowing trouble."

_Though the fact that she was borrowing trouble in the direction of what might happen if they _were_ in a relationship … _Stop_ that. Best friend hat. _

"I … you're right." Conan rolled his eyes. _You don't have to sound so surprised. _

When she fell silent again, he did his best to suppress his urge to push her to continue the conversation. If she hadn't even thought that through yet, it would probably take a bit of time. (Though how could she not have –? But even as he wondered that, he knew; it was just another manifestation of the way she always seemed to put others' desires and needs before her own. She'd almost certainly, given her objections to his question, been thinking about this situation primarily in terms of how her potential actions might affect the other people in her life.)

He thought, for a moment, his patience had been rewarded when she sighed. "I just … I don't know." She said, frustration evident in her tone. "I feel like I should just _know_ these things, but …"

"You can take the time you need." Conan hoped he sounded encouraging rather than the frustrated he himself felt, hanging in the balance. (It _wouldn't_ be right to try and affect her decision, even if he hadn't promised to act as best friend rather than boyfriend. He'd have his chance to make his case later, he hoped, but not before she figured out what she actually wanted. After hanging her out to dry for this long, she deserved at least that much from him.)

"Thanks, Shinichi." She said, sounding relieved, so hopefully that really had been the right thing to say. "I … thanks a lot. For being there for me like this, even when I'm being all stupid about this whole thing. I know it must be hard for you, and I _know_ it's unfair of me to ask, but –"

"What else are best friends for?" Conan interrupted, wanting to cut off the spate of apologies before Ran got too far into them. "And even if nothing else, I'll _always_ be your friend. For as long as you'll let me."

"As long as –" Ran repeated, sounding suddenly preoccupied. "Shinichi? Did I tell you about note that Sonoko left with the chocolates? There was this strange line in there about watching my back."

_No, but I was there to read it myself._ Conan made an encouraging noise.

"When she was trying to suggest other possibilities for who might have given it to me, she suggested that it might be one of the other people in karate club based on that line, but now that I know that it was Sonoko, it doesn't really make sense. Unless she put it in there as a red herring?"

"I don't think so." Conan said slowly. "She didn't really expect to be recognized, she just wanted to do something nice for you on White Day. So I think anything she put there would have been sincere." He tipped his head back, pushing against the cushions as he thought. "… I can't really think of anything offhand that she could have meant, though, so my guess would be that it was supposed to be an oblique reference to something of significance to the two of you. An event, maybe, or a conversation?" Because regardless of what she'd _said_, Conan suspected that in her heart of hearts, Sonoko had _wanted _Ran to recognize her gift for what it was, even if she'd convinced herself otherwise because she was afraid of the potential repercussions.

"Huh. Maybe …" Ran said. And then "… _Oh_."

Curiosity stirred. "You figured out the reference?"

"Maybe." Given how distracted Ran sounded, Conan mentally translated that to 'Yes', and raised his eyebrows. _Must have been a pretty interesting event, if it took her that little time to place it. _

Unfortunately, she seemed disinclined to share with the class. Which of course just made him more curious. "So …"

"I think." Ran said abruptly, then stopped. "… I think I need to think about this some more. I don't …" A pause. "I just don't know. But … thanks. For listening. For helping. I'm glad I called."

"I'm glad I could help." He responded. "I hope you –" what? "—good luck."

"Thanks." And he could hear a small smile, a _real_ smile, in her voice, and if this could make her smile for _real_ again, he thought it was probably worth it. "Um. Good luck with your case. I hope you solve it soon." Her voice became suddenly fierce. "I _know_ you'll solve it someday. Because you're Kudo Shinichi, and there's never been a case that you couldn't solve."

_I'm not so sure. This one might be too much even for me._ But if he wasn't even willing to admit that to himself, he sure as hell wasn't going to admit it to Ran. And the _Even if I _do_ come back, will you still want me here?_ that had snuck into his thoughts as counterpoint was just petty and unfair. So he just said "Thanks." In response, trying to let his sincerity shine through without muddying it with any of his doubts, and hoped that was good enough. "… Until next time?" Though he couldn't quite eliminate the hesitation in his voice that turned that into a question.

"I'll call again, once I've figured things out more." At least Ran sounded sure of herself. "If you're not too busy."

"I'll make time." He promised.

"Okay. Um. Bye." And Conan was left with a dial-tone and the sinking feeling that he was right back where he started. _But at least Ran seemed happier. And like she was really _thinking_. _He sighed, as he clambered down off the chair and back into his slippers. _I just hope I did the right thing._

Haibara did not 'just happen' to meet him on the stairs as he passed by the lab, another piece of circumstantial evidence pointing towards her comments about having thoroughly bugged the entire house being an elaborate pack of lies – he doubted she'd have been able to resist doing so if she _had_ been watching or listening to the entire thing. Unless she was just trying to throw him off by making him think that …

_Who knows._ He shrugged mentally as he slipped out of the house – no sign of the Professor, either, which was just as well. He wasn't really in the mood to deal with other people at the moment. Especially not people who knew the reason he'd been there at least in broad strokes and would probably want to know how it went. _You can never tell with Haibara. _

_Heck. The whole thing could have been an elaborate setup just to give me something to think about other than my current romantic troubles. _

… _Nah._

# # # # #

For two weeks, Ran thought, and Conan watched. She didn't share any of her thoughts with her diminutive companion, not that he'd honestly thought she would – he seemed to have mostly put her off his scent, as far as the question of whether he was actually Shinichi was concerned, but there was still a lingering _something_ that had caused her to become a lot more closemouthed around him when the subject of Shinichi and her feelings about him came up. "Just in case", perhaps. (And if so, he could hardly blame her. She was right, after all.)

More than once, wandering by her half-open door in the evening he'd catch her, textbooks open, pen still in hand but forgotten as she gazed at a framed photograph – one of her and him-as-Shinichi, if he recalled correctly. The first time he'd been so struck by the sight that he'd stopped and stared; stayed there long enough that she'd noticed him and, after absently accepting his completely transparent excuse for being at that end of the corridor, gently but firmly shooed him away, closing the door behind her. After that, he'd made a point of continuing on his fictional business quickly enough that she didn't notice him again.

She'd also gone digging for old photo albums, particularly of their elementary school days, even going so far as to raid his old home. Conan didn't need any gentle reminders to make himself scarce when he saw _those_ coming out – _yes_, he'd proven himself to be a different person from Shinichi several times, _yes,_ he was pretty sure that Ran had either completely given up on the notion or decided to pretend to until he got up the courage to tell her himself … but the last thing _either_ of them needed right now was yet another round of "Conan-_kun_ really does look identical to Shinichi at that age, doesn't he?"

He waited and watched, as Ran cycled through all sorts of emotions, often too quickly for him to keep track of them all, much less have any hope at all of correctly deducing their source. He could tell, however, that chief among them, forming the underpinnings of everything else, was determination. And not, he was glad to see, _grim_ determination – Ran clearly was doing her best to figure this out, but not just as some sort of chore. She was doing it because it was _important_ – to her, to him, to Sonoko. Because she wanted to _know_.

At the two week mark, he called her one night as Shinichi. They had a nice talk, about Ran's life and Conan's made-up cases and even more made-up personal life (or lack thereof), and though he'd meant to ask her if she'd come to any conclusions, in the end he chickened out, she made no mention of the subject, and he ended the call glad for the opportunity to catch up but mostly frustrated that he knew no more than he had known before.

After three weeks and one day, she sent him another text – _Can we talk again?_ – as he was playing in the park after school with the rest of the Detective Boys. Or rather, Ayumi, Genta, and Mitsuhiko were running around playing like the kids they really were, while Haibara lounged on a nearby bench with a scientific magazine in hand ("No, really, I _like_ looking at pictures of chemical compounds. Aren't they beautiful in their simplicity?") and he stood nearby, keeping one eye on them, one eye on her, and only just enough attention on the soccer ball he was bouncing around to keep it from smacking him in the head when he wasn't looking.

Haibara looked up from her magazine when he fished the phone out if his pocket, raised an eyebrow when she saw _which_ phone it was, and rolled her eyes when she saw him hesitating over the contents of the message. "Your girlfriend wants to talk again, right?" She said blandly, freeing one hand from the magazine to make a shooing motion. "Go on; you'll be a hopeless distraction otherwise. I'll ride herd on the kids. Tell them that she needed your help with the grocery shopping or something if they ask."

"Thanks, Haibara." He smirked. "Enjoy your pretty pictures."

He suspected if she had been anyone else, that would have earned him a stuck-out tongue. "They're very _informative_ pretty pictures." She said with great dignity. "Now go."

He left.

Lacking a comfortable chair in a well-known, secure (even if he _still_ hadn't been able to pry out of Haibara whether or not she'd been kidding) location, Conan did the second best thing: headed deep into the sad excuse for a wooded area that this park possessed, found a tree that looked at least nominally hidden from casual view from all directions, and clambered his way up until he was safely high enough that he ought to be safe from prying eyes as well. Now he just needed to make sure that he kept his voice low enough that no hapless passerby would wander by and wonder why a tree was speaking in a voice adult enough that its owner had had no right trying to climb it.

He hesitated far less this time before pressing the call button – there was only so long he could be nervous about the outcome, he'd found, before he got fed up with the whole thing and just wanted to _know_ already. Besides, this problem had made Ran look more consistently actively engaged in the world around her for longer periods of time than he'd seen in a long time. So whatever happened, he couldn't entirely regret it.

"Shinichi?" Ran's voice sounded surprised. "That was – really fast."

"You caught me at a good time, this time." He said, trying to settle himself into as comfortable and stable a position as he could manage on his chosen tree branch, bow tie wrapped securely around his phone to give himself a spare hand. "What did you want to talk about?"

Ran took a deep enough breath that it was clearly audible. "I've decided. I, um, I think …" She stopped. Exhaled (also audibly), then took another deep breath. When she spoke again, her voice was firmer. "I've decided. I still don't know for sure – I know that she's my other best friend, that she's been there for me" _even when you weren't _didn't need to be said, but it hung between them nonetheless, "that she makes me laugh, that … when I think of losing her, or even staying as we are with her backing away from me 'for my own good', it hurts almost as much as the thought of losing you …" Another sigh. "I don't know what that means, exactly. I don't know if it's enough. But I've decided that … I think I want to give it a try."

… He hadn't really expected it to hurt this much. He'd thought he'd prepared himself, he'd thought he'd been ready, he'd thought he'd convinced himself that it didn't matter as long as she was happy – because really, he'd expected it to go this way from the very beginning – but now he just wanted to shout something accusatory, to throw his phone across the room (which would work even less well in this case, since 'across the room' involved other trees and quite a considerable drop), to do anything but take a deep breath of his own and say (in what he hoped was an encouraging, best friend-ly voice), "I'm glad you've made your decision. But … aren't you saying this to the wrong person?"

"But." Ran said on the heels of his last word, almost interrupting. "But … not if it means losing you."

Conan blinked. "What?"

"Not if it means losing you." She repeated. "I think … I might have feelings for Sonoko. And knowing that she definitely _does_ have feelings for me … I want to give it a try. To see what will come of it. If anything. But. I _know_ I love you." She barely tripped over the word at all; more than Conan suspected he could manage outside the privacy of his own head when he wasn't emotionally overwrought. "And … I guess I'm greedy, because I don't want to give that up. I _won't_. So." She hesitated. "Um. I guess I'm … asking for your permission?"

Conan felt almost dizzy for a moment from sheer relief. (Not the best idea, this far up a tree.) He scrambled to put his thoughts in order, before the silence grew too long and Ran started trying to fill it from nerves. (She _had_ to be nervous – Conan knew _he'd_ never have had the courage.) "I … well, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't hoped for a different answer." He said slowly (all this honestly was painful, but he suspected it was the only way they'd be able to make this work at all. If they did). "And … I can't promise that I won't turn into a jealous monster over this. Though if I do, you have my full permission to smack me down for it."

He took a deep breath. "On the other hand … Sonoko and I probably know best that you have a large enough heart to hold both of us and have plenty of room left over to spare. So. If she's okay with sharing you with me …" he trailed off, but then stopped and made himself finished the sentence. "If she's okay with it, then I'm willing to give it a try."

"Really?" Ran sounded almost giddy. "You don't mind? Or, well, you mind, but … you don't _mind_?"

Conan couldn't help an answering smile – not when he honestly felt a bit giddy himself. _She may like Sonoko … but she still likes me, too! She said she didn't want to give me up!_ "I want you to be happy. And if this is what makes you happy … well, I have no idea how it'll work, or if it'll work at all. But I'm willing to give it a try."

_It's been too long since you've been honestly _happy_. And I know that's my fault, and I'm so very sorry, but there's not anything I can really _do_, either, not that I'm willing to do, so … if Sonoko can help make you happy … That, in and of itself, will make everything else worth it. I hope._

"I have no idea what I'm doing, either." And he could hear her grin. "But I guess we're all going to find out!"

She ended the call without even bothering to say goodbye; he gave the phone one last fond smile before tucking it away and making his careful way back down to the ground. Coast clear. _I guess we will, at that. _

# # # # #

April 14th.

Conan woke up to the buzz of an arriving text, checked his normal phone – nothing – then gathered his clothes to head to the bathroom to prepare for the day – Mouri-_san_ still appeared to be asleep, but he was no longer snoring, which could mean anything. It was best to be cautious.

Once outside, he found a note taped to the door in Ran's handwriting, explaining that she'd left early to run a few errands, but that she'd left enough breakfast for both of them ("as long as you share like you're supposed to, Father!")

He raised an eyebrow, resisted the urge to pull his Shinichi phone out right then and there, and walked faster than usual to the bathroom, where he dumped his clothes on the toilet seat as soon as he entered, nudged the door shut with his foot, and pulled his Shinichi phone out. One new text, from Ran.

_I left something at your house this morning. I hope you enjoy it, next time you stop by. _

The other eyebrow raised of its own free will, and he resisted the urge to just run over there in his pajamas. _Don't act suspicious. Wait a few days. I know you want to know _now_, but it won't kill you to wait. _ _… Probably._

So he put his phone away again, dressed, ate breakfast, went to school, and did his best to act completely normal. (And if even the rest of the Detective Boys agreed with Haibara that he was far more fidgety than normal, that just meant they were _all_ imagining things.)

Back home that afternoon, he flipped through the news channels on the TV in an attempt to distract himself from the worrisomely sane sounding voice in the back of his head pointing out that it really wasn't that far at all to get back to his old house; that he could always go there, find whatever it was, and then just not touch it – or re-wrap it, if it was wrapped – for a few days, because then at least he'd know _something_.

Then Sonoko and Ran burst in, Sonoko practically _dragging_ her best friend, and _that_ was interesting enough to distract him not just from the news but from his curiosity about Ran's text that morning. He turned the TV off, hopped down, and wandered over to where a suspiciously familiar scene was playing out – Ran on one side of the table, Sonoko on the other, and in the middle, a smallish package.

Sonoko was practically vibrating. "I discovered _this_ in my shoe locker this morning." She said, gesturing.

Butter wouldn't melt in Ran's mouth, and suddenly Conan was _sure._ He did his best to hide a smile – though he might as well not have bothered, since clearly neither of the two at the table were paying him any attention at all – and with a mental click, he realized he now had a very good idea what waited for him at his old house. _Well played, Ran. _

"Have you opened it yet?" Ran asked, politely curious. Then grinned teasingly. "Maybe it's from the same secret admirer who gave me chocolates for White Day."

_You did _not_ just say that._ Conan could barely keep from laughing out loud.

"No way!" Sonoko protested, then flushed at being the center of attention of two politely curious gazes. "Why would someone who's interested in _you_ be interested in _me_, after all?" She hastily added.

"Well, if you don't open it, you'll never find out." Ran pointed out.

"… True." Sonoko seemed to be holding her breath as she ripped into the wrapping paper, to find a box of mixed chocolates – white, milk, and dark, and Conan was developing a sneaking suspicion about why Ran had waited those few extra days (and well played again) – and a suspiciously familiar-looking white card.

He snuck over, climbing the couch to get a look over Sonoko's shoulder.

_You shine just as brightly. _

_ With you at my back, there is nothing I fear._

Sonoko seemed to have stopped breathing entirely, and Ran looked like she was holding her breath, too, as she focused all her attention on her suddenly way too pale best friend.

And neither of them was doing _anything_, so he hitched himself higher up on the couch and, in his best innocent-little-Conan voice, chirped, "That looks almost like it's a response to the one that Ran-_neechan_ got!"

… And okay, maybe he deserved getting tossed out of the room for that. It had been _completely_ worth it.

Besides, nothing said he couldn't continue to listen at the door.

"What – How –" Sonoko spluttered, finally bursting out with a bewildered "How did you _know_?"

"… I overheard your conversation with Conan-_kun_ on White Day." Ran admitted, sounding a bit embarrassed.

"That little –"

"It's not his fault." Ran interrupted hastily. "I'd opened the window earlier; I doubt he even noticed. And it was only the first part that was clearly audible; everything else after that I had to get closer to hear properly." She sighed. "I apologize for eavesdropping, but … I'm _not_ sorry I heard."

Another pause. "… Though really, I should have figured it out from your note. I'd almost forgotten – you were referencing _that_ conversation, weren't you? About fighting back-to-back?"

"… Yeah." Sonoko said. Then laughed, self-deprecatingly. "… Not that I ended up being any good at holding up my end, when it came down to it."

"Hey, your haphazard waving that sword around kept him at arms' length for long enough." Ran pointed out. "… And I meant it, what I said. You were _there_, and that's what really mattered."

Predictably, it was Sonoko who broke the resultant silence, though she sounded slightly embarrassed. "So. Um. What does this mean, exactly?"

"Well …" Ran said, now sounding embarrassed as well. "You gave me chocolates on White Day. Which, once I realized it was you, would have been sign enough that you _like_ me, even if I hadn't also overheard your conversation with Conan-_kun _in which you confessed as much – you're way too predictably romantic."

"… Speak for yourself." Sonoko said, though she sounded too (cautiously, incredulously) happy to be properly disgruntled.

"_So_." Ran continued pointedly. "Since you didn't really give me a proper opportunity to respond, since I had no intention of waiting eleven months for Valentines' Day – or would it be the full year to White Day? I really don't get how this works in, well, cases like _this_ – I decided to make today … Mixed Chocolates Day. Or, um. Something."

Conan brought his hand to his forehead, shaking his head. He was pleased to hear his deduction confirmed, but … '_Mixed Chocolates Day'? Really? _

"… There's just one thing." Ran's voice went solemn again, and Conan stiffened, all his attention once again on the door. "… I gave Shinichi one, too."

"… Huh?"

Conan grinned at the door. It was nice to see that he wasn't the only one who'd been blindsided by _that_.

"I'd like to give _us_ a try. If you still want to, too. If you think it'll be worth it. But I'm not willing to give Shinichi up. He's said he's willing to give it a try – to share you with me, I guess? – so if you're willing, too …"

Sonoko's enthusiastic assent was almost completely drowned out by the crash as what sounded suspiciously like the table struck the floor. _What did she do, try to throw herself at Ran without standing first?_ Conan shook his head – because, well, _Sonoko_ – reached up to pull the door the rest of the way shut, and walked away with a small smile and something that felt very much like happiness bubbling in his chest.

He had no idea what was going to happen next. But he suspected it was going to be _interesting_.

# # # # #

In the end, not as much changed as he'd expected. He-as-Shinichi was still gone almost all the time; He-as-Conan was still there, a mostly-unobtrusive guardian angel over Ran's and Sonoko's fumbling experiments. When he wasn't getting thrown out of the room – Sonoko _still_ didn't like him all that much, though she'd bowed to Ran's desires and started calling him by name instead of just 'brat' – or voluntarily removing himself – because there were just some things that it wasn't right for a guy to watch between his girlfriend and _her_ girlfriend.

In deference to the status of the Suzuki family, they were keeping their relationship relatively quiet, though Sonoko swore up one side and down the other that it didn't matter at all to her, and that anyone it _did_ matter to could just go – okay, fine, Ran, no swearing in front of the children, _geez_. Which of course meant that pretty much everyone at school who was at all familiar with either of them had guessed within about the first week, pestered them both incessantly about it, been turned away with deliberately noncommittal replies, and eventually, grudgingly, given in and accepted that that was all they were going to get.

Sonoko had been the one to acquire his phone number and call him first. They'd had one stilted conversation near the very beginning, wherein she had said in no uncertain terms that she still thought he was a giant ass for not being there for Ran, and Conan had responded by admitting he was burningly jealous of Sonoko because she _did_ get to be there for her. Pleasantries out of the way, they'd settled into what had ended up being a weirdly pleasant conversation.

Near the end of it, he'd asked why she'd agreed to this weird sharing thing, and she'd replied that as much of an ass as she thought Shinichi was, she had _meant_ it when she'd said that she didn't intend to interfere with Ran's and Shinichi's relationship. And besides, anyone who knew Ran, knew that she had room enough in her heart for both of them, and plenty to spare left over.

Conan had just laughed, and when Sonoko demanded to know why, simply responded that he'd said the exact same thing.

By unspoken agreement, whenever he-as-Shinichi came back to town, it was understood to be date night for Shinichi and Ran. Though if he was there for more than a day – and Haibara's temporary cures now often worked for two to three days – chances were good that Sonoko would show up and drag them _both_ off to do something.

Likewise, if he called during one of Ran's and Sonoko's dates, Ran could put it on pause to talk to him – though in that case, only if it didn't happen too often, and with the understanding that if they chatted for _too_ long, Sonoko would come find Ran, put the phone on speakerphone, and cheerfully force her way into the conversation. (Which only had to happen once before Conan started keeping _much_ better track of which nights were Ran-and-Sonoko date nights.)

It was weird and haphazard and he still didn't understand it at all, but it … actually sort of worked. And Ran was _happy_ – maybe not happy the way she had been before he'd left, and he paradoxically had even less doubt than before that she really _was_ waiting for him, that she really _did_ want him back home with all her heart (or at least that part of her heart that belonged to him). But happier than she'd been in a long time.

He didn't know what would happen when he finally came back as Shinichi for good (because he _would_, he'd _promised_). Whether they'd be able to reach a new equilibrium, or whether it would all fall apart, or whether by then it would have taken so long that they'd all have gone their separate ways anyway (though he refused to believe that that would actually happen, not after having tried so hard for so long). But until that time came, it was more comforting than it should have been, to know that Ran was in Sonoko's hands.

# # # # #

"So how are your girlfriends doing?" Haibara asked, as she took note of his vitals with the ease of long practice.

Conan shuddered, then winced as she absently poked him, ordering him to stay still. "Could you _please_ stop calling Sonoko my girlfriend? It's disturbing." He'd tried, many times, to explain to Haibara that just because Ran was his girlfriend, and Sonoko was _her_ girlfriend, the relationship was _not_ transitive.

"What would you prefer? Girlfriend-in-law? Girlfriend once removed?"

… Given that it was blatantly obvious that she refused to listen because it was more fun (for her) that way, he'd eventually given up.

"How about childhood friend?" Conan interrupted, before Haibara could get even more absurd with her suggestions. "That's nice and safe."

"… You do know that 'childhood friend' is code for 'source of unresolved romantic tension that is played for drama over long periods of time', right?"

Conan turned his head to glare, un-phased by her irritable pokes as she tried to make him return to his previous position. "My life is _not_ a TV drama."

"… You're right." Haibara agreed, surprisingly. So Conan braced himself, because whenever Haibara agreed with him on this sort of thing, it was almost always because she was planning something worse. "You haven't been having nearly enough trouble lately to be the star of a proper TV drama. What we really need is a new character to spice things up."

"Don't remind me." Conan groaned. "Sonoko has taken to calling me every few weeks and asking pointed questions about the other girls I've met. She doesn't really believe that there _aren't_ any, but then when I start making things up she just gets mad at me for two-timing Ran even though I'm _clearly_ not, and … ugh. I'm about ready to tell her that I've shut myself up in a monastery or something."

"You should tell her about this cute brunette you know." Haibara suggested. "Who's very sweet and always offers to share her crayons with you."

He sat bolt upright, pointing at her, completely ignoring her attempts to get him to settle back down. "No. You are _not_ going to make me think about Ayumi like that. I _refuse_. Having to ignore her crush is bad enough –" Haibara muttered something that sounded complimentary towards his ability to recognize it in the first place "—I'm not _blind_, Haibara – anyway, _no_. I'm _not_ going to – are you _trying_ to set me up to get arrested for soliciting underage girls?"

"… It _would_ be hilarious." She offered, as though that was a valid excuse.

"For _you_ maybe." Conan shuddered. "I'll stick with what I have now, thanks."

"… _Would_ you take it back? If you could?"

"Agreeing to let Sonoko in?" He asked. "I … no, I don't think I would. It's frustrating, sometimes, seeing her able to so easily fill Ran's loneliness. And she's still one of the flightiest girls I've ever met. And I'm still not all that sure I even like her all that much. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't. But she makes Ran happy, she's _there_ for Ran in ways I can't be, and … I can't help but be thankful to her for that."

If someone had told him, months ago, that he'd be _happy_ that Sonoko was Ran's girlfriend, he'd probably have thought they were insane. But he really kind of was. What they had was weird and he still didn't understand how it worked at all, much less as well as it did …

But he wouldn't change it for the world.

14 April 2013


End file.
